The internet was invented primarily to allow teenagers and bored office workers to view pictures of naked women and for over a decade it was used solely for that purpose. However, since the social networking revolution, people around the world have discovered that the internet can be used to fulfil another, much more important function: the mass humiliation of stupid cats. For a time, cats and naked women shared the limelight, often appearing side by side, but it wasn’t long before stupid cats overtook naked women as the world’s most popular search term.
In the dark days before Google, stupid cat videos had to be strictly rationed, making the fictional search guru ‘Jeeves’ a figure of public hatred. However, when YouTube launched in 2005 the public could finally access an ever-growing number of stupid cat videos 24 hours a day. The high demand for cat videos continues to drive the advancement of computer technology to new levels, with some experts predicting that future cat videos will be transmitted directly into the brain, inhaled or injected into the bloodstream.
Today, there are roughly four times as many cats on the internet than have ever existed in the real world. Of course, nobody has time to watch them all so here are some of the best and weirdest.
Kitten Suckles Air
This cat is not blowing a raspberry but rather trying to conjure milk from thin air. According to the YouTube caption it was abandoned at a young age and so has a strong urge to suckle. It usually tries to suckle on its fury blanket but on this occasion has nothing in its mouth at all. The cat’s owners have stressed that the cat does not have a mental illness, it’s just very silly.
The look on the cat’s face is priceless; it really has no idea what its owners are laughing at.
Cat Eats with Fork and Chopsticks
The name of this clip tells you all you need to know. The cat has been trained to eat at the table using a fork and even chopsticks. The comedy star of this clip is not the cat itself, but rather its insane owner – the very definition of the term ‘crazy cat lady’. There’s a thin line between genius and insanity, and this woman clearly crossed that line years ago. Listen out for her paw washing song; it’s comedy gold.
I can’t help but feel sorry for this lady’s husband, who will clearly put up with anything for a bit of peace and quiet. Either that or he’s been beaten into submission, like the poor cat.
Senile Talking Cat
What are these cats arguing about? We can only guess, but one thing is for sure – the black cat is getting a stern talking to. Whatever it did to upset the ginger cat, it won’t be doing it again in a hurry and seems to be very apologetic. We’ve had arguments with our moms that have looked exactly like this.
Cat Has Seizure
YouTube is awash with videos of cats, dogs and other animals having seizures but this by far the weirdest. At first the cat looks as though it is performing some kind of bizarre ritual mating dance, moonwalking around in circles before getting down to some serious booty shaking. It’s only about a half way through that the true reason for this behaviour becomes apparent.
If you are wondering, the cat has since been treated and is feeling much better. However, about a year later the cat had another seizure and, yet again, the owner’s first instinct was to grab a video camera and push record. In the follow up video ‘Cat has Seizure 2’, the cat can be heard making some very disturbing noises.
Cat owners take heed – if your cat displays similar behaviour Weird Worm recommends that you see a vet immediately. Do not try to restrain the cat, it’s best to let the seizure play out. Also, boot up the webcam.
Toilet Trained Cat Doing Number 2
Yes, that’s right, this cat is fully toilet trained! Since it is physically impossible to train a cat to do anything besides yawning, we can only assume that this kitty taught himself to go potty. Amazing! Although, it’s really not quite as amazing as the fact that almost nine million people have logged on to watch a cat taking a dump.
Just when you think this is the most intelligent cat in the world, it slips and falls in the toilet while inspecting its own mess. Let’s hope it washed its paws afterwards. Now if only somebody could teach it how to flush.