Kids say the darnedest things, but sometimes they say the damnedest things, too. Here’s a collection of bizarre and unnerving (and sometimes funny) things kids have said to their parents.

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My 3-year-old daughter stood next to her newborn brother and looked at him for a while then turned and looked at me and said, “Daddy it’s a monster… we should bury it.”

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My kid sometimes says creepy things about my husband when he was small. Like, “When Daddy was a baby, we didn’t know what to name him, so we settled on Tim.” I think she’s trolling all of us, but sometimes it is very creepy. My husband’s mother died years ago.

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My 3-year-old son generally has a happy-go-lucky attitude, so this is pretty odd. Sometimes when he’s cuddling with his mommy, he’ll say, very seriously, “Mom, I promise I won’t ever chew on your bones. I promise.”

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My son told me he was a grandpa once.

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My 3-year-old daughter said, “You’re the best mommy I have had so far.” I said, “I am the only mommy you have had!” As she walked away she said, “That’s what all the other mommies said, too!”

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“Before I was born here, I had a sister, right? Her and my other mom are so old now. They were okay when the car was on fire, but I sure wasn’t!”

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My two-year-old son said there is a fairy in his room. He points to the corner with the air conditioner. He says it most nights. One day I was showing him some old family photos. I show him one of my mothers and he points to it and says, “Fairy fairy bedroom.” The photo was of my mum as a girl. She died 4 years ago.

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He said, “Daddy sleep,” then pushed my head underwater at the pool.

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A friend of mine’s child told him “Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want.”

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I was on a bus recently and we were stopped outside a walk-in clinic. A little girl in the seat in front of me turned to her dad and said, “Death is the poor man’s doctor.” And that was that.

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“There are three dead kids buried in our back yard. They told me where we can find them.”

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Once I was taking a nap on the couch. I was waking up, and just as I’m opening my eyes, I see my 2-year-old son walking toward me with a serious look on his face. He leans in close and whispers, “It happened.” He then leaves without another word.

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My 4-year-old daughter sings “Old McDonald Had A Farm.” But she ends it with “And I eat them all.”

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I was reading a story to my daughter when she suddenly slammed it shut, pointed to the empty doorway, and screamed “You get out of here! You’ve killed enough people!”

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My son (about 6) asked my mother to lay down on her stomach, then he sat on her butt and started bouncing up and down and proclaimed, “Now we’re mating like reptiles!”

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“Mom, why is that lady from the cemetery sitting in my room?”

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My five-year-old son has stuck to this SAME story since he was 3: “I remember my last mom and dad died and you found me, remember, I was on the side of the road when you found me as a baby. I had a little sister before but she’s dead too.”

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My first son at three years old, as he was falling asleep in the car: “Last time, I died in a fire.”


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