Death stalks us all at every point in our lives; always watching, always waiting, and ready at any time of day to claim your soul. Generally, Death is a cowardly bastard and won’t dare to take any of us while we’re in a good state of health. And not inebriated out of our minds…
Unnamed British Idiot
Drinking and driving is an obvious killer, but drinking and sleeping it off in stupid places can be too, it seems. It certainly proved fatal for a mystery man whose body was recovered 500 yards out to sea, below a cliff top called Dancing Ledge.
This is the cliff in question, by the way. Doesn’t look very dance-y
The unknown idiot had spent the day of 20 July 2006 alone, drinking heavily on the cliff-top near Swanage in Dorset. Many holidaying walkers had observed his alcohol fuelled behaviour. He was sleeping off his excesses close to the cliff edge when a walker’s dog barked, waking him up with a start. Disorientated, he stumbled backwards off the cliff, falling more than 300ft to his death.
In 2002, Canadian winery owner Victor Manola died when he fell through a manhole into a 2000 liter vat of wine while trying to collect a sample. He was quickly killed by the carbon dioxide gas in the tank, as was his friend, Frank Supernak, who tried to pull him out.
Letting boozed up Nicola Shanks sleep off a drinking binge in a car might have sounded like a good idea at the time. But, Nicola, 28, from Seaforde in County Down, Ireland, contracted Deep Vein Thrombosis in her left leg after spending 12 hours immobilised in the vehicle in May 2002. This led to blood clots travelling to her heart and lungs, killing her before anyone realized what had happened.
Lifting a beer keg over your head might sound like a good way to impress the ladies, but for Gerald “The Yank” Gallen, 20, the party trick went uncomfortably wrong.
Illinois born Gerald was showing off in a bar in Castlederg, Ireland. He lifted a full keg in the air, but then his arms buckled, sending him falling downwards. He was followed swiftly down by the keg, which landed on his head.
Student Martin Filder, 22, should have known riding a shopping cart down a hill was bound to end in tears. He had been drinking all afternoon in a bar in Bournemouth, UK, on the last day of term before the start of Easter in 2005 and decided to ride down the hill with his two pals. But it hit a curb and overturned, and Martin suffered a fatal blow to the head as he fell out.
Jackass, he was not.
Roderick de la Cruz
Builder Roderick de la Cruz became so drunk at his brother’s house in Caloocan City in the Philippines that he bragged he “had a way with electricity like no other”. Further proving that the population of the Philippines must have some majorly shitty workmanship, he then proceeded to pull a wire from the ceiling and then twirl it around between his fingers and thumb. We can only presume he was doing it to look manly, but let’s face it, whenever we see this done anywhere it’s often proceeded by that girl then asking you out on a date.
That’s hair, by the way. Understandably, we don’t hang around the weirdoes who like playing with wire.
Unsurprisingly, within seconds, the intoxicated idiot had managed to electrocute himself. We’d say something about his drink being so sharp and strong that it must have given him another kick earlier in the night, but we’re not that macabre.
Three Idiotic Cambodians
You probably don’t need us to tell you this but alcohol and ex-military hardware are never a good combination. In 1999, three Cambodian men from the Svay Rieng province were killed when, after a drunken night in a bar (as opposed to all those sober nights in a bar?), they decided to play with a twenty five year old landmine. How do you think they played with it? An impromptu game of tennis? As a Frisbee?
Nope, nope, and definitely nope. They decided to use it in the way it was intended to be used by the bastards who put it there. Witnesses who fled before the inevitable explosion reported the drunken men kicking the landmine to each other like a football, and then daring each other to step on it.
Joan Scovell from New London, Connecticut, got so drunk in the early hours of July 6th, 1985 that she attempted to climb onto the back of Freda, a 2,950 kilogram circus elephant that was chained up in a parking lot. There’s no word, as yet, as to why a goddamn elephant was left like it was an old Ford Pinto or something.
Nevertheless, Freda the elephant didn’t appreciate this newfound drunken attention and, thus swiftly grabbed Joan with her trunk and smashed down onto the concrete.
Yorkshireman Clifford Greenwood, of the UK, got so drunk on whiskey that when the nearby River Wharf flooded his home in 1995, he simply slept through it on his sofa. Until the point where he rolled off and drowned in less than 40cm of water.
During the annual drunken riot that some Finns call ‘midsummer madness’, visiting Swedish student Hjalmar Aalto got so drunk that when he accidentally dropped his mobile phone into the sea whilst travelling on a ferry, that he dove in after it, and drowned.
A chilled ale is many a man’s idea of heaven, but when Idahoan Clifton Doan went to his refrigerator in March 1992, cold beer sent him into the next life. A crack in the bottom of a beer keg caused it to shoot upward when he opened the fridge door, striking him in the face, and killing him instantly.
Good thing he wasn’t carrying any of these at the time
Romanian farmer, Dimitru Dumitrazcu, was making and sampling plum brandy in his barn during the 1993 festive season. Dumitrazcu became so intoxicated that he fell face first into a barrel of the potent drink and drowned.
Krzystof Azninski from Poland spent all day drinking in his garden with three friends. In an act of drunken bravado, he placed his head on a block and challenged one of his drunken pals to take an axe to his neck. His pal swung, with predictable results.
Emma Blackwell, a 31 year old woman from Plymouth in England, was drinking for hours on a ferry between England and Spain. Highly intoxicated, as the ferry sailed past the coast of France, she struck the famous outstretched arms pose made famous by Kate Winslet in that immortal scene from the film Titanic. Emma, unfortunately, lost her balance, plunged from the ninth deck, and drowned.
Unnamed Mexican Man
In 1979, a Mexican man who had binged on vast quantities of whiskey whilst in California died when he swallowed a newt for a dare. Unfortunately, for the drunken sot, the newt he was dared to down was a rough-skinned newt. The creature’s skin creates toxin so potent that just one 30th of the toxin present in the skin of an average adult newt is sufficient to kill a healthy adult male.
- – Unnamed British Idiot: http://www.dorsets.co.uk/photos/data/media/2/dancing_ledge.jpg
- – Gerald Gallen: http://assets.motivationalgenerator.com/hashed_silo_content/silo_content/35210/resized/understatement.jpg
- – Martin Filder: http://images.oldglory.com/product/009393TVDEc.jpg
- – Roderick de la Cruz: http://us.123rf.com/400wm/61/350/sebastianarnson/sebastianarnson0910/sebastianarnson091000002/5688090-laughing-blond-girl-playing-with-hair-standing-infront-of-white-background.jpg
- – Three Idiotic Cambodians: http://comparegolfprices.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/golf-insurance-comparison.jpg
- – Joan Scovell: http://ford-parts.uneedapart.com/images/ford-pinto-parts.jpg
- – Clifton Doan: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_50PfNIYntjk/TUoSiPqk9fI/AAAAAAAAATU/UcLBA-TI-2M/s1600/mentos%252Bp.jpg
- – Krzystof Azninski: http://www.3dshop.org.uk/images/guillotines.jpg
- – Emma Blackwell: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_crLXdjpmalA/TJzwkd8t5bI/AAAAAAAAA6U/5ztjZp-dd-c/s1600/Titanic460.jpg
- – Unnamed Mexican Man: http://www.wildherps.com/images/herps/standard/05022617PD_red-bellied_newt.jpg