Nostalgia is said to be a longing for something in the past, a time of happiness, like a romantic relationship that had to end. But is it possible to experience such nostalgia without the pain? Looking back at a relationship that has ended, we can often find it hard to remember all the things that didn’t work. After the time has passed, all those reasons to break up, which seemed totally irreconcilable at the time, seem like silly little trifles now. We tend to only remember the good times and start to think about whether breaking up was a mistake. But as the old saying goes, the grass isn’t always greener. It is important to take a step back and look at the relationship objectively and really examine why it didn’t work out.
In order to do so, here are some difficult things to consider when reassessing a relationship:
1. Think About What It Was Like At The Start
The honeymoon period varies in length quite dramatically from relationship to relationship, but there is always some amount of weeks or months when a new relationship really does seem perfect. This period where everything is so fresh and exciting when you are just getting to know each other, learning each other’s little quirks, thinking about how to surprise each other and make each other smile, is usually what makes breakups so hard to deal with. We think back to those first days, and we can’t understand how we could have got to the place we are in now. How did things ever go so badly? But the reality is that the honeymoon period never lasts forever.
When reassessing a relationship, ask yourself if what you were feeling in the early days was a real connection or just the thrill of something new. Did you really have that much in common? Did you really like the same things or have the same interests, or did you just each enjoy each other’s company? Knowing what your relationship was built on can help you understand why it ultimately collapsed.
2. Think About Whether You Could Be Friends Now
If, when you look back at the honeymoon period, you remember all of the things you loved doing together and all of the things you had in common, then it may be possible to reset your relationship as friends. Sometimes a relationship just doesn’t work because two people don’t click, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a really good friendship. As the folks at GetHerBackGuide.com told us, you have to think carefully about whether a friendly relationship with your ex is something that you really want. Being friends with an ex is often far from easy. The closeness of a friendship may trigger old feelings.
As a friend to your ex, you will have to meet any new partners they might have. If you truly believe that you want to be friends, then you have to commit to a total reset of your feelings and a new way of looking at your relationship. Be a friend, not just someone who is acting as a friend to stay close to them.
3. Think About Whether You Ever Truly Wanted The Same Things
When you look back at your relationship, think about discussions that you would have about your future. Did you ever make plans together, and if so, how detailed were they? Were they about where you would like to travel together, or did you have names for your kids, design ideas for your home, or locations for your wedding? Even if those talks were just a bit of fun that you had over a bottle of wine one night, just the fact you had them means that you were both looking to a future that you expected, or at least hoped, would be together. Look at what you are doing now. Do you still want those same things if you could have them now, or were they only special because they were things that you wanted together?
Often it is when we start planning a future together that things become frighteningly serious, and many of us find our relationships fail at exactly the same point every time. Fear of commitment or fear or a mundane life with the same person forever sends us running. If this is what you tend to do, be honest, and ask yourself if you have really changed. Are you ready for commitment now? The hardest thing after a break up is starting all over again from scratch. A future that previously may have been perfectly mapped out can be erased in an instant. Ask yourself if it is really the relationship that you miss or the future you had planned.
4. Search Your Feelings
The last and most important thing you must do in reassessing a relationship is to compare how you felt about the person then and how you feel about them now. Why have you started thinking about them again? For whatever reason, many people only seem to want what they can’t have. Is that what is fueling these feelings? If it is, then getting back together is not the right decision as you will only find yourself frustrated and unhappy all over again.
If, however, you are only now truly aware of how special it was now that you had lost it, then that can be a good reason to try again. Reassessing relationships are all about being honest with yourself and with each other. Are you just lonely now and need someone, anyone, in your life, or is that person the one to complete you. Search your feelings and be true to yourself.
Deciding whether to give an old relationship, another chance is always a huge decision to make. Breakups are so hard, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and putting yourself back into that situation may undo any healing that you have done since the relationship ended. The old advice is that you should never go back, but plenty of people have got back together with old partners and made it work. Think about how you have changed, how you have grown, and whether the two of you are even compatible any more. Often relationships end because you have simply grown apart and wanted different things. When reassessing an old relationship, don’t just look back, look forward too, and think about your hopes and dreams for the future.