When you think of things that are similar, grandmas and college students probably aren’t the first things that come to mind. You’d probably think of cats and dogs before that, or even summer and winter. And before you get all riled up, yes, we know that in our modern era grandmas can be college students; but we’re dealing in stereotypes here, because that’s what we do best.
You might be surprised to find out how many things they actually have in common (although not always for the same reasons). Things such as…
They Love Holiday Sweaters
Adorability, your name is holiday sweater.
Have you ever been to the holiday sweater section of your local big box store right before Christmas? You’ll likely find little old ladies happily perusing, in their minds imagining that the polyester and nylon monstrosities embroidered with yarn and dusted over with sparkly glitter and perhaps real, working lights are pinnacles of fashion achievement to rival anything coming out of Paris or Milan.
You’ll also see college students there. Odd? Not really. The Horrible/Funny/Crazy Holiday Sweater Party is all the rage at a college campus near you. For less than $20 you can have the thrill of utter humiliation that you thought that you’d left behind when you stopped having to wear those same sweaters Grandma gets you for Christmas every year, except in a welcoming, safe environment where everyone shares the same curse. Unless you still have to wear the Grandma sweaters. In which case, we’re sorry for you!
They Love To Save Money
Not making the big bucks makes saving the big bucks make big sense.
The average person might see grandmas and college students as stingy, but we should respect the fact that they both like to keep a grip on their hard-earned cash. Or their government-doled-out cash. After all, they usually aren’t making bank. In fact, we should respect them, and learn from their examples!
We should note, however, that the details of their frugality differ radically. Grandma pinches pennies so that she doesn’t have to live off of cat food for the last twenty years of her life. College students eat cat food so that they can save up for the sweet new videogame or techno-wonder gadget. And of course, beer. Lots and lots of beer.
They Sometimes Dye and Style Their Hair In Crazy Ways
No matter what color your hair is, you’ll never be as badass as Grandma.
College students love to cut loose, go wild, rebel, and express their individuality in new and creative ways. Which makes it somewhat surprising that they still find the best way to do this is by emulating cave people, who used to rub berries or charcoal into their hair to make themselves more attractive. (Bonus points to anyone who can demonstrate that we didn’t just make that up.)
Grandmas do it because they can’t see so well anymore. They need the bright shades to make them remember that their hair is actually still there. That’s where all of the wild blues and oranges come from. The not-being-able-to-see-well thing is also the reason that they sometimes leave the house in blushingly sheer blouses.
They Get Into Relationships With Questionable Age Differences
Sometimes with each other.
If you’re a college student with a middle-aged sugar daddy or mama, you’re certainly not the first, and you won’t be the last. It’s been going on pretty much since the beginning of time. And hey, if you’re with a person way older than yourself and you’re not getting any monetary return, well, you must be doing something wrong.
Grandmas end up striking up relationships with young men (and women) who are interested in only one thing, and it’s not the increase in libido that women are supposed to get as they age. They’re looking to weasel their ways into the inheritance money. Not to be cynical or anything. But if you’re in this situation, you might want to hide your stock certificates and gold jewelry just in case.