When you get to be a big enough celebrity, you’re often asked to endorse things. Sometimes they make sense, like when Michael Jordan tries to sell you overpriced sneakers, or Paris Hilton makes a commercial for herpes. Wait, no, sorry, she actually endorsed cheeseburgers. Serves us right to make assumptions without paying attention to what the ad was selling. Anyway, some celebrity endorsements, like Hilton’s burger ad, are just a little more bizarre than others. Such as… 8.
Dexter Holland’s Hot Sauce
You may not immediately recognize the name Dexter Holland unless you’re a diehard fan of the band The Offspring, but, well, he’s the front man of The Offspring. We probably tipped you off to that fact at the end of that first sentence. So what on earth could the singer of a formerly popular punk band come up with to promote? Well hot sauce, naturally. Wait, maybe not so naturally. Hot sauce isn’t exactly the first thing you’d think of when watching an Offspring video, but that hasn’t stopped Holland from selling his Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce, which sounds vaguely racist, particularly when coupled with his logo that features Holland in a sombrero and just generally dressed in an insanely stereotypical “Mexican bandit” outfit.
Sylvester Stallone’s Pudding
Sylvester Stallone is in insanely good shape for a guy pushing 70. Hell, he’s in insanely good shape for a guy of any age. So what’s his secret? If you answered “steroids” you’re probably right, but if you ask Sly he’d probably tell you it’s actually his high protein pudding. We should have guessed, after all, since old dudes love pudding. Of course the punch line to Rocky’s pudding endeavor (because Rocky punches things – get it?) is that this product has been discontinued due to a million dollar lawsuit that suggests Sly and his business partners stole “trade secrets.” The best part here is that, apparently, there are things like “trade secrets” in the world of pudding.
Rachael Ray’s Dog Food
Rachael Ray has skyrocketed to fame as a culinary expert despite not being, well, a culinary expert. That’s not really mocking her, either, that’s pretty much by her own admission. She’s not really all that good, and her food is based more on ease of preparation and being family friendly. So naturally, she’s popular with moms and, most importantly, Oprah. Of course the fact that her food isn’t known to be all that great makes it hilarious that she actually has her own line of dog food. It’s all too fitting since we’re guessing a lot of more highly regarded chefs would say that’s what most of her dishes taste like.
Guy Fieri’s Wine
And let’s be honest, we can’t really mock Rachael Ray without taking on her Food Network male equivalent, Guy Fieri. Look, Guy Fieri seems like a nice enough guy. He’s enthusiastic, seems friendly, and people seem to like him well enough. But like Rachael Ray, he’s not exactly known for being a connoisseur of fine foods. In fact, he recently opened a restaurant in Times Square that was heavily panned. That’s why it’s kind of ridiculous that he’s getting into the wine business. Guy Fieri is a guy you’d expect to drink a fruity margarita, not a fine wine. We’re going to go ahead and bet his wine will be sold in boxes. It’s just way too fitting, isn’t it?