A well placed and filmed sex scene can enhance a film, particularly if it helps serve the story and isn’t a gratuitous attempt to get a little nudity into the running time. However, it’s amazing how badly anyone outside of the adult film industry can get these scenes so horribly, horribly wrong. It feels like more often than not, movie sex scenes just make the audience uneasy and wishing they were somewhere else. Here are some of the worst offenders. 8.
Munich was a very cathartic film for a lot of people, as it deals with the aftermath of the horrifying events of the 1972 Olympic Games, when Israeli athletes were brutally killed by members of the PLO. Eric Bana leads a covert group tracking down those responsible, in what is a true story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team. And the catharsis continues at the end of the film, after the mission has been completed and Bana returns to his wife, and the two engage in a passionate sex scene intercut with a lot of violent imagery, culminating in Bana unleashing one of the most hilarious “O” faces we’ve ever seen.
It’s kind of hard to imagine that any sex scene involving a very naked Rosario Dawson could be considered something other than “holy crap awesome” but believe it or not, the sex scene in the movie Alexander, starring a laughably miscast Colin Farrell as the legendary conqueror, is just uncomfortable unless you start laughing at the dismal attempts at being sexy by both people involved. The scene starts with Dawson sort of playing coy and trying to stay away from Farrell, slapping him and kind of squealing while he tells here there are lots of ways to love. It’s such a poorly shot scene, on top of being awkward and poorly acted, that even the sight of Rosario Dawson topless isn’t enough to salvage it.
The Matrix Reloaded
After the original Matrix, pretty much everything went downhill so it doesn’t come as a surprise that there were moments in the sequels that are both hilarious and just flat out, face palm-inducing stupid. One of the most noteworthy of all, however, was in The Matrix Reloaded, when Neo and Trinity have returned to Zion, which it turns out isn’t some human Utopia, but a giant, sweaty rave that apparently never ends. For the record, if that’s the home of the revolution against the machines, sign us up to stay hooked up to the Matrix. Cypher was right on that one. Anyway, as the humans celebrate in grinding, sweaty fashion, Neo and Trinity make what we suppose is supposed to be sweet, slow motion love, but just looks absurd in conjunction with the rest of the horrible scene.
Look, there’s not much sexy about the relationship between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, and in fact more or less the entire film Gigli stands out as being unintentionally hilarious in so many ways. But arguably the most hilarious moment of the entire, stupid film occurs when Affleck finally wins over J-Lo and convinces her to let him nail her, which leads to the least sexy line ever uttered when coitus is about to take place, uttered by Lopez: “Turkey time. Gobble gobble.” We have no idea what that means, but it sounds like the type of thing that would kill erections, not induce them.