Some parents plant their children in front of TVs so long, by the time Child Services arrives the kids can already recite the words to 500 different theme songs. Other parents go the opposite extreme and banish TVs from their homes as if it was a demonic portal to a poltergeist realm. We tend to think a few hours of TV a day is reasonable as long as whatever they watch is kid-friendly and educational. That said, simply being kid-friendly or educational doesn’t mean what your kid enjoys isn’t completely God-awful for parents to sit through. Here are eight of the worst offenders that are sure to send you off to wash dishes, fold laundry or literally anything other than watch these atrocities. 8.
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Brace yourself old-school Disney fans, Disney Junior has turned the Mickey Mouse you grew up watching into a ridiculously colorful, sugary sweet, CG catastrophe. After watching this hyperactive half hour of rainbows and sunshine, your kids will likely be bouncing off the walls and screaming ‘the hot dog song’. This toddler friendly series is nothing like any of the classic Disney cartoons. Mickey and friends no longer have an ounce of edge or even a hint of attitude. Even the villainous Pete character is now pals with everyone. On the rare occasion where Pete acts even slightly assholish he is quick to outright apologize for his behavior. The manic Donald Duck rarely loses his shit and if Pluto crapped on the rug it would probably just be candy striped gumdrops.
Dora the Explorer
We were hoping this ‘educational’ show would be off the air by the time our kid was born. Alas, that’s not the case. We can’t help but find Dora and her stupid monkey pal anything but grating. Hands down, the most mind-numbing portion of this show is when the cartoon map speaks to the viewer. This googly eyed map character has a voice so piercing it makes you want to ram screw drivers into each of your ears. The obnoxious character also repeats whatever it says multiple times as if to mock and torture you simultaneously.
Sid the Science Kid
Interestingly, this show is produced by The Jim Henson Company. You’d think that fact alone would guarantee its quality. Instead we can barely get past the uncanny CG children who are like the visual bi-products of a Nic Cage fever dream. Science, education, songs, bla, bla, bla…sorry but are we the only ones on the internet to notice that Sid and his mutant pals look eerily similar to the Garbage Pail Kids? Seriously, we googled the comparison and only found one person on babycenter.com that mentioned the resemblance. C’mon internet!
“The Wiggles are an Australian children’s music group formed in Sydney, New South Wales in 1991.” In all honesty, we had to look up that description on Wikipedia because this show is so aggravating and off-putting we cannot be bothered to watch it any longer than a second to see what it’s actually about. We can tell you the people on the show really like dressing up like Star Trek characters though for some bizarre reason.