According to the hit television show (and Weirdworm’s personal Bible) “Different Strokes”, the world don’t move to the beat of just one drum. Indeed, what might be right for you may not be right for some, especially if what’s right for you involves killer bees and your vagina.
Sexual fetishes are wide and varied and for the most part accepted by mainstream society, albeit in the form of hushed tones and foot taps under bathroom stalls. However, there are those that still cause a great deal of head-scratching and/or feelings of unease… often with good reason.
1. Pony Play
Having both eyes and an internet connection, you are no doubt aware of Furries. To generalize a bit, members of this fandom have an affinity for anthropomorphic animals. Given this is a list of fetishes, we’ll leave you to connect the dots on the rest.
Now take furries, multiply it by a dose of “what the hell” and you’ve got pony play. Formally known as human-animal role play, pony play has one participant take on the role of an animal and imitating it as much as possible, including its behavior, sounds and mannerisms. Meanwhile, their partner or partner takes on a dominant role in relation to the animal – owner, breeder or trainer – throws in elements of BDSM as well. In comparison to the cartoony world of Furries, consider Pony Play the grittier, Frank Miller reboot. For more information on furries click here.
2. Objectum Sexual
As you may have deduced from the name, objectum sexual is a sexual attraction to inanimate objects. However, it isn’t just a desire to bone said objects that makes this fetish so strange (though to be fair, that’s still pretty gross) but some say that they have fallen in love with or otherwise have an intimate relationship with their literal objects of desire, be they fences, statues, paintings or anything else without a pulse.
The most famous case of objectum sexual is no doubt Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a woman who married the Berlin Wall back in 1979. Her website is only a cursory glance into the mind of an objectum sexual but a glance none the less. Her feelings for the Berlin wall are so intense that she considered the day the wall fell a “tragedy” and that she can “never forgive them” for tearing it down. For the record, this apparent tragedy was the reunification of Germany. She can’t forgive the people of Germany for wanting to see their families again.
Objectum Sexual International serves as a support group for such people and was founded by a woman who is married to the Eiffel Tower in whatever made up country authorizes such malarkey.
You know, Japan tends to catch a lot of flak for its… uh… “unique” subcultures, especially when it comes to sex. Sometimes we think it’s unfair. Really, who hasn’t dreamed about being nailed by an octopus?
But then you’ve got vending machines filled with used underwear and everything gets a little shaky again. Omorashi is relatively mild (all things considered) and is defined as finding arousal in having a full bladder. If you think that’s bizarre then you’re either incredibly sheltered or a rational human being.
Despite its strange nature, omorashi pornography is among the most softcore, usually featuring no nudity or sex at all. Instead, the actresses play out scenarios that end with them peeing themselves. That’s it. All she has to do is drink a glass of water, not go to a restroom and collect a paycheck.
Do you watch Gigantor with your pants around your ankles? Does the thought of Ant Man give you an erection? Are you not allowed to enter the local circus because the resident stilt walker has a restraining order against you? If you answered ‘yes’ to one or more of the above questions, then kudos! You’re a macrophilia!
Because nothing is quite as erotic as being crushed by a giant kneecap.
The obsession with enormous men or women is the tragic hero of the fetish world because there’s no way to engage it in the real world. Whereas one can easily strap a saddle on their back or rub their ass up against the Eiffel Tower, you will never find a bikini model tall enough to turn you on. (Un)Fortunately, Photoshop and a loose understanding of perspective can make anyone’s dreams come true!
According to every high school counselor in the United States, the media at large portrays an impossible image of beauty to an impressionable public. Then there’s inflationists who take said impossible image of beauty and eat it, apparently.
Though similar to the pregnancy and balloon fetishes of old, the inflation fetish is believed by some to have originated with, and I kid you not, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, whose famous blueberry scene is apparently the seed of sexual deviancy:
Just think: someone somewhere is masturbating to this right now.
People who practice inflation do so with special suits made for the purpose. Or, in some extreme cases, make creative use of bicycle pumps. (WARNING: Safe for work, but disturbing none the less.)
Previously on Weird Worm, we discussed why bugs would someday destroy the human race. Some people, however, didn’t take the hint and thus formicophilia is born. Formicophilia isn’t simply a sexual attraction to bugs (because that would just be silly!) but insects crawling on your body, usually your genitals.
Try sleeping after thinking about that.
So how does this happen? As with most fetishes formicophilia usually develops during childhood. However, formicophilia is more common in the developing world than anywhere else. Don’t hurt yourself trying to figure out why that is: some of these people live with infestations. It’s a regular way of life.
Ever have great sex during an earthquake? Ever have really great sex during an earthquake?
Symphorophilia is arousal from disasters, be they natural or manmade, so long as the danger is present to someone (it doesn’t have to be the fetishist in question). This fetish is a popular urban legend fuel but is more common than most people think. What separates symphorophilia from the other entries on this list is that it can have legal implications. While some are content with watching a car accident happen before their perverted eyes, others feel the need to stage accidents to get their jollies. Quick! Someone call Dick Wolf because we’ve got a great idea for a Law and Order episode.
Ending on a decidedly blasphemous note, this entry answers the long-standing question “What would Jesus do?” in a way that most people probably aren’t comfortable with.
I have no idea who made this but I’ll bet twenty-five dollars that they’re going to Hell.
Hierophilia is a sexual attraction to religious items or figures and is oftentimes found in people who are very devout to their faith (as opposed to people who bone Jesus out of spite). Those who keep the faith claim that it’s blasphemous to satisfy any religious figures and icons but practitioners claim they’re simply taking their love of the faith to a higher, more intimate level. While some people often claim that hemophilia is common among nuns, you’d be hard-pressed to find a study of that, presumably because no one wants to study the sex habits of nuns.