People like their booze, and have for centuries upon centuries. It’s not a secret that basically as long as there have been human beings roaming the Earth, there have been human beings trying to find ways to get good and liquored up. And apparently, we as a species have gotten bored with the regular old methods of, you know, just tipping back a bottle and chugging, so we’ve branched out to try a few more…interesting methods. And by interesting, we really mean utterly bizarre and impossibly stupid. 7.
“Drinking” Hand Sanitizer
Hand sanitizer is a good thing. Anytime flu season comes around, every school and work place has giant bottles all over the place to try to prevent the spread of germs and disease, and the people who put them there are just praying people actually use that big, clear bottle of disinfectant. Well, people are using it alright, but some of them are using it in a very different manner. There have actually been instances of high school students using hand sanitizer to get drunk, separating the alcohol in the bottle with salt and then going to town. And we have to ask, really? Are kids these days that hard up for booze? Can’t they just bribe a bum to get them a six pack or guzzle vanilla extract like a normal teenager?
Vodka Soaked Tampons
Just the name of this one sounds disturbing, doesn’t it? And it’s exactly what you think it is which makes it even worse. Apparently, people with a lot less dignity than your average two dollar hooker are prone to taking a tampon, soaking it in vodka, and then, well, inserting it and letting their bodies absorb the alcohol from the inside. And it’s apparently not just women doing this, either. It turns out guys do the same thing, which means that, yes, there are men walking around out there with alcohol soaked tampons shoved up their butts.
If you’ve never heard of Pruno, that’s a good thing, since it means you’ve likely never been to prison. Pruno is a prison wine, so you can only imagine how foul and disgusting the ingredients are, let alone how awful and nasty it must be to drink. That isn’t stopping people from trying their hand at making Pruno despite having the advantage of not being locked up in an 8×10 prison cell, of course. If you’re wondering what Pruno consists of, basically you ferment old apples, oranges, fruit cocktails, and combine it with crap like ketchup, milk, sugar, and bread and, somehow, amazingly, this turns into a filthy, harsh alcoholic beverage. To sum things up here, it’s typically described as being “vomit-flavored.” Still probably better than Boone’s Farm, though.
Alcoholic Whipped Cream
Okay, now of all the ideas on this list, this one actually sounds like it could be, well, pretty awesome. After all, who doesn’t love dessert? And when you combine it with booze? Oh man, forget about it. Astonishingly, a can of either Whipped Lightning or CREAM, the two leading alcoholic whipped cream makers, run between 15% and 18% alcohol by volume, meaning this thing is going to get you absolutely smashed if you start ripping through it too quickly. Of course the crazy part is that it looks just like regular whipped cream, so there’s always the awful chance that a little kid is going to get ahold of it and thinks it’s the same thing his mom puts on his ice cream.