Sometimes you just can’t get what you want… your favorite band might be breaking up, maybe you were dumped, or perhaps that TV show you decided to obsess over was cancelled by Fox… we hear you man, life sucks and there is just no getting around that. With some folks such a realization is enough to make them want to kill themselves. But to take the gloom out of the whole ordeal, many decided to spice up their suicides, you know, mix things up a bit, to keep this age old practice from getting stale.
Today we are honoring those people who decided to voluntarily leave this world in the most original ways possible. Here are the 6 weirdest suicides and suicide attempts ever.
Angelina Jolie Wants To Feel Like A Movie Star
Thought it might very well be an urban legend, there apparently are a few reports out on the web about Angelina Jolie’s suicide attempt. A suicide attempt when she reportedly tried hiring a hitman to take her out, because a suicide is just a too traumatic experience for the family. Murder you shake off in like 2-3 days, but suicide… suicide stays with you forever.
To spare her family and friends the shock of one day finding her dead corpse in a bathtub with a bottle of pills, Jolie (during her “darker period”) allegedly talked to a professional murderer for hire, who in the end refused to do the job on the 26-year old actress. Apparently he also talked her through it, giving Jolie 1 month to think about it, during which time she snapped out of it and decided she might actually not be that insane after all.
Could very well be a complete lie, but it would explain how in the same year Jolie scored herself an Oscar for “Girl, Interrupted” where she played a suicidal mental patient. What an interesting coincidence, hmm? Hmm? HMM?!!
Depressed Man Does Not Want To Be A Bother
You know what suicidal people rarely think about? The aftermath of their actions. Oh sure, for them it’s just a few seconds of crazy and their job is done, but depending on the suicide method, someone will have to clean up after them and foot the funeral bills. One Mr. Milo Bogisic decided to not be that selfish and when he finally opted for leaving this stinking old world, he took care of all the afterdeath business himself, by committing suicide inside a funeral parlor’s casket.
The story goes like this: After suffering a streak of family problems, Bogisic ventured into a funeral office where he carefully picked himself a nice but not too expensive coffin. Then, he quietly sat down and wrote his own obituary. You see? This is a man who CARES. He didn’t even want to bother the newspaper people with writing up his obituary – he took care of it on his own. After which he crawled into the casket and shot himself in the head.
Depending on how you look at it, unluckily or luckily he survived. Unfortunately the undertakers refused to give him a refund for the coffin.
UK Boy Watches Way Too Many Movies
Here is a protip to get through life: be suspicious about the people on the internet, cause very often they are not who they claim to be. For example: When you meet someone on an online chatroom who claims to be a middle-aged female secret agent and promises to give you sex and recruit you to MI6 if you just stab someone, then maybe, just maybe, that person is lying, shocking as it might be.
A certain Manchester 16-year old certainly did not think so, when that very scenario happened to him. To him, sex starved secret service MILFs offering spy jobs in exchange for stabbing someone on the net seemed pretty normal. But, believe it or not, it turns out the boy was cheated! The person he stabbed was actually not a foreign spy but… a 14-year old boy who impersonated the “Spy MILF” in the first place?
Turns out the 14-year old was in love with the older boy and created this elaborate game to commit one of the most complex suicides in history. Sadly, all that work went to waste and he survived.