Last time we discussed five classic nerd arguments found across the internet. This time we’ll be discussing five more incredibly popular debates which also happen to be as dorky as humanly possible. Bear with us, these five choices tread even further into the darkest bowels of nerdom.
And so we shall…
5.
The Star Wars Special Editions
THE ARGUMENT:
This debate began back in 1997 when George Lucas re-released the original trilogy in theaters with CGI modifications and enhancements. Little did he know the can of sandworms he opened would unravel the very fabric of the nerd universe. One such “enhancement” was the infamous Greedo shoots first scene.
Naturally that change and many others were all part of George’s evil master plan…or something.
Further fuel was thrown onto the fire in 2004 when the films were released on DVD with even more changes and tweaks. To date, the theatrical versions of the trilogy were released on home video in 2006. However that release was criticized by fans because it was simply a non-anamorphic, 1993 laser disc version tossed onto DVD.
In our view, anything featuring Slave Leia is well worth purchasing.
THE PLAYERS:
On one side we have the original trilogy fans who believe that cinematic history has been tarnished and rewritten thanks to the special editions. On the opposite side are those that embraced the changes and actually wouldn’t mind a few more tweaks. Although it should be mentioned that such fans don’t want further changes simply for the sake of it. They actually want things that should have been fixed a long time ago to be tended to, to make the six movies more clean and unified.
In this shot you can clearly see Luke and Vader’s light sabers engaging in sensual foreplay as they melt together before the Emperors dreamy eyes.
Over-saturated and inaccurate colors, poor matte work, jump-cuts, dated CGI, audio issues, despite all of the special edition changes; the list of issues still goes on and on. How the current special edition versions got past quality control is beyond us. The biggest player in all of this is George Lucas himself. According to Mr. Lucas, the special editions (which are likely due for even more changes) are the official Star Wars canon.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
This is truly an ongoing battle. Online petitions exist to get the original trilogy properly remastered and released in HD, but that remains a geeky wet-dream. For evidence of all this insanity simply refer to Amazon or any site which reported on the Star Wars Blu-rays (which ONLY features the special editions). Nearly every discussion is bogged down with chatter about the theatrical releases not being released along with the updated versions. As far as those unsatisfied with the special editions, well, they have taken it upon themselves to create fan edits of the films which cater to their desires. Some have gone ahead and restored the movies to their theatrical counterparts. Others have painstakingly fixed the problems that ILM has seemingly ignored for years. One thing is for certain: when it comes to Star wars fans…we are a proactive bunch.
4.
Joss Whedon Rules the World!
THE ARGUMENT:
This bitter dialogue involves the ultimate nerd cult-hero, Joss Whedon. He is best known as the writer of the television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly and Angel. Whedon also enjoyed tremendous success as writer of Marvel Comics’ Astonishing X-Men. He is also the director of the 2012 film, Avengers. According to Whedon’s hardcore fans everything he touches turns to gold. But according to Whedon’s detractors he’s insanely overrated.
THE PLAYERS:
On one side we have a vast legion of Whedon fans that follow his every move and praise his creative efforts compulsively. On the other side we have those who eagerly go against the grain. Such people dare to suggest (on as frequent a basis as possible) that Whedon has had hits and misses in his career and he’s far from the “geek god” many have purported him to be. Considering the colossal amount of praise heaped onto Joss, the inevitable backlash was bound to be quite ugly.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
The fallout of the “Whedon Lovers vs. The Whedon Haters Wars” can be found on any site, blog or forum that reports on upcoming projects. Some of the hate directed toward Whedon can be attributed to contrarian thinking or trolling. However not all criticism can be lumped into that category. For example, this blog suggests a rebooted Buffy the Vampire Slayer film, minus Whedon’s involvement may actually stand a chance (cue shocked face). For other examples of the backlash against Whedon check out the endless ranting here, here, here and here. That is, if you have a few lifetimes to waste.
3.
The Video Game Console Wars
THE ARGUMENT:
This nasty battle is so prominent that it actually has its own Wikipedia entry. The “Console wars”, refers to the ongoing brutal competition for market share between the various video game console manufacturers. It began in the mid-1980s and has raged on ever since. On the nerd side of things it boils down to which system do you own and which system do you s**t on for no reason other than personal preference.
THE PLAYERS:
Over the years there have been many players in this war. As previously mentioned, the conflict began during the Regan era. The Spectrum vs. Commodore battle was the originator of the console wars. Later on there was Coleco vs. Atari and the Sega vs. Nintendo wars. Truthfully speaking, as time progressed there were so many battles we cannot even begin to document all the systems that came into play. If you are a gamer we’re certain you can easily recall the competition as it involved everything from Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo, PlayStation, XBox and everything in between.
Don’t forget about the portable wars!
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
From a gamers point of view the console wars are a blessing and a curse. Although the intense competition for survival has brought about better games, the war has also fostered a degree of resentment between gamers. For example, in many of our younger years how many among you can recall the idiocy that resulted from someone not having the latest system? Or how about when someone simply had that other system which your friends inexplicably thought was “lame”? We’d like to hope this sort of behavior doesn’t go on as much anymore, and we can focus on hating those rat bastards whose parents bought them both consoles.
I’ll teach you for not owning a PS3!
2.
The Best Batman
THE ARGUMENT:
This particular clash over which actor was the best Batman actually crosses the lines of geek territory and can be found all over the web. Although this particular entry hasn’t necessarily inspired the moronic flame-wars that some of other choices have, it does tend to bring about some snarky back and forth banter.
Nothing can ever top the back and forth “snarkiness” from this scene.
THE PLAYERS:
There are a lot of components to this debate. As far as the actors go, we have Adam West who played the campy 1960’s Batman. We also have the film actors who portrayed Batman onscreen. They include Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Christian Bale. For good measure we’re also going to throw in Kevin Conroy whose legendary voice work for Batman can be heard in the classic Batman: The Animated Series, The Arkham games and many of the Direct to DVD, DC animated films. Lastly, we have the fans whose opinions vary greatly on this subject. Needless to say, everyone has their favorite Batman for a variety of different geeky reasons.
The Joker’s favorite Batman seems to be the one who always pounds the snot out of him.
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
The consensus among movie fans seems to be that Michael Keaton is the current favorite actor to have played the caped crusader. Christian Bale has received tons of grief, not so much for his performance of Bruce Wayne, but for his over the top “raspy voice” he used as Batman. Many fans feel that Bale sounds like he is chewing on glass or some other type of pointy objects while speaking as Batman. Here is a hilarious video where Kevin Conroy lets loose on Bale for his husky voice in Batman Begins and Dark Knight.
1.
Comic Movies Not Loyal to their Source Material
Stan Lee’s creation is alive and well…and ready to go jogging.
THE ARGUMENT:
This is the quintessential argument among nerds when any comic based film becomes a movie. The debate begins before the movie is even in pre-production, it continues during the film’s theatrical run and may even drag on long after it’s being played Sunday afternoons on TBS. Regardless of whether the movie is universally praised or critically scorned there is inevitably a core group of fans on the sidelines screaming about how the movie in question simply didn’t follow the comics.
Rogue for example, was all kinds of wrong.
THE PLAYERS:
On one side we have the movie studios and film writers. It is their duty first and foremost to make a profit out of whichever property they are handed. Whether it’s Spiderman, Batman, X-Men, Fantastic 4, Superman or Watchmen; the task of translating a comic into film is never easy.
Alan Moore hates everything about this image.
Creating a live-action movie from a beloved comic essentially means condensing several years worth of stories, characters and major story arcs into one coherent script. Somewhere within that equation exists the burden of pleasing the insanely nitpicky fans. Some fans are casual about changes but many are love-slaves to the source material. However no fan should ever be completely disregarded. After all, it is their support that gives comics the momentum that gets those titles into the Hollywood spotlight. The main problem superhero fans face is that they would rather not see their favorite characters raped onscreen.
Hmm, I don’t remember Thor wearing a ballerina costume and having a zombie sidekick in the comics.
With that in mind, we here at Weirdworm wish to take this brief moment to state that any Hollywood exec currently reading this should immediately put that on your to-do list…“No raping of timeless and beloved characters”.
Thanks!
“…rape characters with love, okay got it!”
THE DAMAGE REPORT:
This particular subject garners the most trivial nitpicking imaginable. The debates can be found almost anywhere across the web. Pick any superhero movie currently in production and check out any web site reporting on that movie. It is a virtual guarantee that somewhere within the comments section or article you will find fans droning on about how, “Spiderman’s costume is WRONG”, “the X-Men film’s continuity is a mess”, “Green Lantern is tonally inaccurate” or “the Avenger’s team lineup is f***ing retarded”.
Of course despite all the pissing and moaning, most of us will be in line opening day for every single one of these flicks.
Written by Anthony Quaglia – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.net Image Sources
Image sources:
- – The Star Wars Special Editions : http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/7508/hanjabb.jpg
- – Joss Whedon Rules the World!: http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/images/joss-whedon.jpg
- – The Video Game Console Wars : http://img19.imageshack.us/img19/5051/marsonic.jpg
- – The Best Batman: http://img864.imageshack.us/img864/592/6bm.jpg
- – Comic Movies Not Loyal to their Source Material: http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/1330/sighk.jpg
