Primeval starred several “the guys”, people you swear you saw somewhere, but cannot recall their name. They ventured into Burundi to investigate Gustav, a 20 feet long, one ton crocodile who ate over 300 people. Among the ill-casted cast were the guy from Blade, the guy from Air Force One, the guy who voiced “that guy” and the guy from Madtv, Orlando Jones, the only guy who’s name we can remember.
B-grade through and through
Gustav had apparently acquired his appetite for flesh because of bodies constantly being dumped into the river. Subsequently, the nameless entourage entangled themselves with a local warlord who was a massive jerk.
Somewhere in the middle, Orlando Jones also thanked white people for slavery.
“Anything you gotta do to get the f*** out of Africa.” — actual dialog
Gustav does exist. Although real life was never peppered with the antics of Orlando Jones, the movie more or less did not lie.
“I feel like a pork chop on Queen Latifah’s dinner plate.”
While normal crocs are only 13 feet and 500 pounds, Gustav is almost double that. His kill count is rumored to be almost in the thousands and entire villages lived in fear of him. Furthermore, a bunch of people want to capture him, making real life eerily mirror the plot of the movie.
Let’s just hope they have a token black guy on the team because you know, they are always funny.
The Serpent and The Rainbow
The serpent and the Rainbow is incredible even for Hollywood standards. Dennis Alan, a Harvard anthropologist who travels to Haiti to develop drugs but ends up neck-deep entrenched in Voodoo. Specifically, the zombie making branch of it. Apparently, Zombies are possible with Voodoo concoctions and the government has been doing it for years.
What better way to control the population?
So naturally the government was pissed and drove Alan out of the country by driving a nail through his scrotum . Alan then got out of the country, but managed to take the formula with him, thanks to a guy named Mozart.
Then, the government head channeled his spirit through Alan’s boss’ wife and Alan went back to Haiti to fight for his soul, a battle he won by dragging the government guy to hell.
And Lula approves.
It was based on a non-fiction book of the same name. It was written by an ethnobotanist named Wade Davis.
He spent years in Haiti and personally witnessed how the crazy hand of voodoo creates the undead. There was even an example in the form of Clairvius Narcisse who was given chemically induced death and then raised from the grave to perform unpaid labour.
Man, we hate Voodoo.
The Mothman Prophesies
A hotshot journalist who happens to be Richard Gere has a wife who died after contracting a malignant tumour because she was driving. Gere then discovered disturbing images drawn by his wife about a big ass moth man and promptly sought to investigate.
Because it happens all the time.
Apparently, this moth man just randomly drifts around and heralds his departure with catastrophic events, probably because he is a dick.
Richard Gere’s character was based on a real person, a normal journalist called John Keel (http://www.chasingthefrog.com/reelfaces/mothmanprophecies.php) who wrote the non-fiction book the movie was based on. The book documented numerous sightings of the moth man who was appear before catastrophic events, such as the collapse of the Silver Bridge when the moth guy hovered the bridge for several nights prior to the collapse which killed 46 people.