He should stick to basketball
Recently, much of the northeastern part of America, stretching down to Maryland and Virginia, was blanketed with record snowfall. The “Snowpocalypse” as some called it. Naturally, in some of the places where snow is not quite so common, such as certain areas of Virginia, people of all ages reveled in the white powdery stuff (snow, not cocaine… keep up, genius) and made snowmen, snow angels, and engaged in snowball fights. They might have thought twice about that last one if they’d know it could lead to being arrested.
Did you realize that, apparently, throwing snowballs can get you slapped in handcuffs? Neither did Ryan Knight, a point guard on the James Madison University basketball team. But when the snow hit, Knight and his friends went out and started throwing snowballs. Now we should point out they were throwing them (playfully) at snow plows and passing cars. It just so happened that one of those cars was an unmarked police car, and apparently the cop driving it had a great distaste for harmless fun, arresting Knight and a friend on the spot. The charge? “Throwing a missile at an occupied vehicle.” I don’t even have a joke for that, especially since the pair face up to five years in prison if convicted. So next time you’re out frolicking in the snow, just remember: frolicking is seriously frowned upon in some parts of the US.
Granny hates two-hand touch
Raise your hand if you’ve ever tossed a baseball , football or Frisbee or kicked around a soccer ball with some friends, and it’s gone into someone else’s yard. Usually that’s kind of a no-harm, no-foul thing, right? Sure, every once in awhile you’ll run into some crotchety old hag who, being on the receiving end of some unwanted ball action, will pick it up and not give it back. You know, because she’s a crotchety old hag. Well Edna Jester is just such a hag. Only she probably figured she wouldn’t get arrested for it.
But that’s precisely what happened when, completely fed up with having to chase down the ball over and over for her teenage neighbors when it landed in her yard, the 88-year-old grandmother finally refused to give it back. See, her young neighbors would often toss the ball around and it would come flying into her yard while she was eating dinner or reading the Bible (we’re not making that part up), and she was just sick and tired of having to chase the ball down or having the kids come onto her property to retrieve it themselves. So when she just decided to keep it to stop them from bugging her in the future. The cops showed up and threatened to arrest her if she didn’t give it back. So did she? Let’s just say that by the time she went to trial, the ball was still in her house.
Man, Edna Jester isn’t a crotchety old hag. She’s a bona fide stick it to the man style rebel. You go, girl.Have you been put in irons for chewing gum? Sneezing? Grand theft bicycle? Tell us about it below! Written by Jeff Kelly – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources
- - Guess next time he’ll wait for Christmas morning: http://www.danasview.net/231_gifts.jpg
- - He must have eaten at Taco Bell for lunch: http://www.threedonia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/fart_lighting.jpg
- - Maybe he should think about changing his name…: http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2010/01/31/news/photos_stories/cropped/017_michael_terry--300x235.jpg
- - He should stick to basketball: http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01251/snowballs_1251623c.jpg
- - Granny hates two-hand touch: http://www.pajamadeen.com/images/edna-jester-mug-shot.jpg