Three Weird Guys (Who Could Beat You to a Pulp)
Let’s face it: people are weird. Humans are, as a species, a giant collection of oddballs and neurotics. We here at Weird Worm could not hope to include all the weird people in the world into a single list, or even a thousand lists, so we asked ourselves, “What’s more fun than laughing at weird people?” The answer is laughing at weird people you’d ordinarily be too afraid to laugh at in person. So from the safety of your computer chair, enjoy this breakdown of three of weirdest, violentest guys you could ever meet.
Considered one of the greatest boxers of all time, George Foreman is the owner of an Olympic gold medal, two heavyweight championships, and the world record for being the oldest person to win a heavyweight championship. It goes without saying that he is someone who could beat the snot out of most anyone, but underneath all that muscle and badassery, he is also a decidedly weird dude.
Take, for example, his family life. He has no less than eleven children—ten biological by two women and one adopted daughter—and his name choices for his children are not what one would call creative. His five sons are all named George Foreman, and then there are his daughters, Freeda George and Georgetta. We can only imagine the confusion at dinner when his wife asks, “Pass the potatoes, George.”
In addition to his boxing career, George Foreman is also famous for endorsing the George Foreman Grill, which seems like a bit of a leap from boxing. We suppose he felt he was qualified by all his experience tenderizing meat.
He is also an ordained minister and runs his own church. Because if anyone knows how to preach peace and brotherhood, it’s a guy who spent most of his adult life pounding other men into quivering masses of goo. It is unclear if his grills ever come up during the sermons, but we kind of hope they do—it would make for some very delicious worship.
Clay “The Carpenter” Guida:
Mixed martial artist Clay “The Carpenter” Guida (so called because he worked as a carpenter prior to becoming a professional fighter) is a former lightweight champion of the Strikeforce MMA league and a rising star in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. However, much of his fame comes not from his successes, but the weird, crazy-ass ways he’s achieved them.
Guida is above all known for two things: his relentless fighting style, and his relentless hair. Like some latter day Samson, Clay comes into a match swinging a wild, tangled mop of hair that still seems to confuse his opponents more than him despite completely covering his face most of the time. This, coupled with his wild and energetic fighting style, has led to him being given descriptions such as “wild man,” “cave man,” “savage,” “angry terrier,” “lunatic,” “freaking insane,” and “WTF was that?”
Despite his popularity, Clay was left out of the UFC 2009 Undisputed video game because his hair proved too difficult to render. Apparently, it was so awesome it caused Xboxes to melt—or so a very trustworthy-seeming young gamer told us. UFC president Dana White even offered him $10,000 to cut it, but he refused.
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson:
Another mixed martial artist, former UFC light-heavyweight champion and A-Team remake star Quinton “Rampage” Jackson is man as odd as he is scary—and trust us, he’s very scary.
Rampage’s odd persona was perhaps best displayed when he appeared as a coach on the reality series, The Ultimate Fighter: Heavyweights, where he spent the entire season making immature jokes about and poking fun of the other team and its coach, Rashad Evans. He particularly focused on one somewhat less than fit contestant, Darrill Schoonover, whom Jackson dubbed, “Titties.” This led to what appeared to be several hours of footage of Rampage repeating the phrase, “Da dude have titties.” This phrase seemed to comprise his entire coaching strategy and may be the reason his fighters suffered an appalling number of losses to Evans’ team—a fact that at one point made Rampage so angry he literally tore apart a door with his bare hands.
Rampage doesn’t need cameras to act like a weirdo, however. In 2008, perhaps depressed by losing the championship to Forest Griffin a few days before, he proceeded to go without sleep, food, or any form of sustenance other than energy drinks for four days. He then proceeded to jump in a truck with his face on it, hit several other vehicles, and lead police on a wild car and eventually foot chase that at one point had him driving on rims because one of his tires had blown. It should be stated that Weird Worm in no way encourages such hilariously reckless behavior, no matter how hilarious it may be.
“If a picture is worth a thousand words, this video is worth a million—most of which cannot be repeated in polite company.”