The Six Most Pathetic ROM Hacks

  • June 02, 2010
  • 39,308
  • Entertainment
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4.

Pink Floyd - The Wall

pink floyd the wall

Straight shooter, that “Mr. Floyd”

Don't get us wrong, we're big fans of Pink Floyd, and we know what you're thinking: a game based on "The Wall" might actually be pretty good. And you're right. It'd make an awesome adventure game, exploring a world in the first person as you figure out the various details of Pink's life. It'd be like Myst except with a darker edge and less of that New Agey Yanni junk. This game idea is awesome!

Too bad this is just a repaint of Donkey Kong!

Yep, this is little more than the Donkey Kong you know and…well…the Donkey Kong you know (did anybody actually enjoy Donkey Kong?) with a creepy little Martian Popper thing as Mario and the Judge from the end of the movie as Donkey Kong. And aren't we so, SO glad that this particular bit of nightmare fuel was dredged out and given new life in a beloved childhood classic.

5.

Super KKK Brothers

super kkk brothers

Because nothing suggests racism like an Italian character invented by the Japanese?

Hey, speaking of beloved children's classics being ruined by wankers, how about this horribly racist take on the one video game everybody's played at least once, Super Mario Bros.?

One of the more unpleasant aspects of the Internet is that it gives a voice to ignorant racist losers. The kind who have never even seen a black person in real life and would probably run away in fear from Steve Urkel because obviously that homebody is packing heat and even the five-oh won't protect your honky self from his black power vengeance. Ahem. If you want to see this in action, just go to YouTube and click on any video featuring a Mexican.

Sometimes though, they're teenagers just trying to shock people by being racist. Which is kind of pathetic.

Anyway, these shmucks also get their hands on ROMs and try to turn them into racist propaganda. It's about as intelligent as you'd expect, and Super KKK Brothers is no exception. On the other hand, it can't be any worse than F.A.T.A.L.. Oh, wait, no, it's cornholing our childhoods. It's worse.

6.

Transformers Episode 2: The Return of Unicron

the return of unicron

It takes some serious effort to ruin something this awesome.

We thought we'd close this with a look at a sincere ROM, one obviously inspired by a desire to pay tribute to two different aspects of childhood in the '80s at once; Super Mario Brothers and the Transformers. That said, these aren't exactly peanut butter and jelly. Maybe peanut butter and petroleum jelly.

The problem is that the game this particular hacker chose to use is, well, Super Mario Brothers 2, which technically isn't even a real Mario Brothers game: it was actually a game called Doki Doki Panic because the original Super Mario Brothers 2 released in Japan was kind of bland and samey, and they needed something different for the American market. In other words, it was basically a ROM hack.

So this is a ROM hack of a ROM hack, featuring the Transformers, um…pulling stuff out of the ground and throwing it at people. Go look at the above image, come back, and ask yourself how, if this had been an official product, that wouldn't have been insanely disappointing on a "Superman 64" level?

But at least this hacker's heart is in the right place. Maybe try programming original games, dude.

Written by Dan Seitz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Ninja Gayden: http://www.ps3informer.com/playstation-3/images/NinjaGaiden%20%2818%29.jpg
  • - Wilford Island: http://media.ebaumsworld.com/picture/Merrick001/WilfordBrimley.png
  • - Beerlaga: http://www.yoyogames.com
  • - Pink Floyd - The Wall: http://www.atariage.com/2600/hacks/screenshots/s_PinkFloydTheWall_Hack_2.png
  • - Super KKK Brothers: http://www.dan-dare.org/Dan%20Mario/NewSuperMarioBrosWallpaper800.jpg
  • - Transformers Episode 2: The Return of Unicron: http://www.totalwallpapers.com/comics/wallpapers/transformers-g1.jpg
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