The Seven Terrifying Side Effects of Useful Drugs

Podcast / June 25, 2010 / 40,535 views / Comments (8)

It’s been a joke for as long as we’ve had those ridiculous drug ads of people frolicking in a field while an announcer motormouths his way through all the legal disclaimers: sometimes the side effects sound worse that the disease. But, of course, this is just a natural side effect of your body reacting to the drugs…right?

Weird Worm Podcast - Ep83 - The Seven Terrifying Side Effects of Useful Drugs [ 7:03 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Note: For the sake of good taste and to keep your computer clean of barf, instead of pictures of pills or the horrible, disgusting symptoms, we’re featuring pictures we got from Googling “adorable children”. But, you know, click any links at your own risk.

Polytrim

Polytrim is already a drug most people don’t want to take voluntarily; it’s an antibiotic that’s generally used to treat the eyes. Already people are wincing away from this article. But don’t worry! It gets more disgusting!

These kids certainly have healthy looking eyes. How nice.

Basically, with Polytrim, you go blind for a while. The “mild” side effects include skin rashes, blurred vision, itchy eyelids, or even itchy eyes. But if that’s not enough to make you consider letting nature heal your pinkeye (hint: it won’t), serious side effects include “drainage, crusting, or oozing of your eyes or eyelids.”

Other Antibiotics

This one is just a little worrisome; when we were searching for the antibiotics that had this particular side effect, and we couldn’t find any names. Just “some antibiotics”. Once you read the side effect, you’ll know why we’re disturbed: black hairy tongue.

Why, I’d wager these kids’ tongues aren’t even a little hairy!

By itself, apparently, hairy tongue is just an indication that you need to brush your freaking teeth once in a while, Captain Oral Hyigene. Or you could be smoking too much. Or you could be drinking bismuth subsalicylate, which you know better as the pink stuff that stops heartburn. But it’s also caused by antibiotics, and while we know you’d like to know which ones, if we told you that syphilis would never clear up so we won’t. It’s for your own good.

Retrovir, Zerit, and protease inhibitors

If you’re taking these drugs, well, then the bad news is, you have AIDS, or at least HIV. The good news is, we’ve made great advances in treating these diseases, now that we’ve stopped pretending that it only happens to gay people and drug users, neither of whom are viewed as deserving health care when Republicans are in office.

No, seriously, look it up; part of the reason we’ve got such an AIDS problem now is back in the ’80s, they called it GRIDS (Gay-Related Immunodeficiency Syndrome) and decided that the gays dying just wasn’t their problem. Something to remember the next time somebody praises Ronald Reagan around you.

This lil’ guy can’t even pronounce “Reganomics” or “massive weight redistribution”

Anyway, fighting a disease like this means you have to take a “damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead” approach, meaning nothing’s worse than the disease, which is true. Then again, your vanity will take a hit because either you’re going to lose a ton of weight, or you’re going to become a huge fat-a*s: these drugs redistribute your body weight to a huge degree. But it could be, as we’ll see, a lot worse.

Propecia

Propecia is already famous for restoring some of your hair while erasing everything else that makes you want a full head of hair, namely your libido.

There are good medical reasons for that. Believe it or not, baldness is caused by having just too much testosterone. It destroys your hair follicles, so if you want to regrow your hair, or rather, just keep the hair you already have, you have to get rid of all that testosterone. There are, of course, some problems that come from monkeying with your hormones for colossally stupid reasons like vanity, but none are quite as bad as…

Decreasing the size of your manberries. Yes, Propecia can “decrease testicular size”, which is fancy medical speak for making you less of a man. It might even decrease the size of your twig (or limb; working for Weird Worm tends to make you more…gifted in multiple ways), if you believe what some patients report.

Not a problem when your lads haven’t even dropped yet!

Being bald doesn’t seem so bad now, does it?

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Comments

Dr. David Secord

Gee, you're not a far, left-wing zealot by any chance? It was first brought to the United States by a gay man and all the first cases were seen in gay men, hence, the assumption that it was something that GAY MEN get, fool. As we learned more about the disease, the circle of influence was widened. It still, to this day, remains a disease primarly of gay and bisexual men, who it might be added, continue–in large numbers–to have unprotected sex with multiple partners and are part of the problem.
In the 1980's, heart disease killed 10 times as many people as AIDS and yet AIDS/HIV research received over twice as much research funding. From an epidemiological standpoint then, AIDS research was OVER funded, not underfunded and your statement about how “Reagan and Republicans hate homos” is both absurd and factually incorrect. Grow up.
- Guest
  
  AIDS is a MAJOR problem in Africa among heteros. But I guess those monkeys don’t count to bigots like yourself.
- Guest
  
  AIDS is a MAJOR problem in Africa among heteros. But I guess those monkeys don’t count to bigots like yourself.
Jajwhite

“All the first cases were seen in gay men” is incorrect. What we now call AIDS was also seen in Haitians right from the start. But low income people and minorities are not usually classified as 'innocent' victims, they are usually seen as 'guilty' in some way, as sadly these things are usually polarised into deserving and undeserving cases, often by the press. Consider the furore when haemophiliacs started to die – they were innocent victims, as opposed to those who actually had (whisper it) sex.

On a personal note, I was lucky in that I was 18 in 1990 – when HIV was well publicised and as such I have never had risky sex. However, most, if not all of my heterosexual friends avoid condoms at every opportunity, seeing safe sex as “the woman's responsibility” and nothing to do with disease transmission.

Funding and awareness was difficult to raise in the early days, because Republicans are not famously nice to gay people. Congressman Phil Burton: “If all the angels came dancing down to earth like the Rockettes, even they couldn't get a dime out of this [Reagan's] administration for anything with the name “gay” on it”

It's not perfect, but Shilt's And The Band Played On is well worth a read.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_the_Band_Playe…
wally

I am writing this letter to help those who are suffering the effects of prescription drugs, and offer them a safe, effective alternative. Seven weeks ago, my sister went into another of her schizoaffective disorder-related relapses. Deciding that this would be a good opportunity to try something different, I began tapering her off her anti-psych meds, that were giving her horrible side-effects, and at the same time, started her on herbal therapies. After the tapering was over, I began with the detox vitamins and Omega-3. It’s been almost a month, now, since the tapering ended, and she is much better now, and improving every day. Please, go to a naturopath, and get off the toxic pharmaceuticals! Cure the disease, don’t just cover it up! And don’t be fooled, as half of Americans are, by the drug companies. They are only interested in huge profits, and pleasing their shareholders.
- Guest
  
  Are you a scientologist or what? And no, I won’t give that word the dignity of capitalization. You are setting your sister up for a MAJOR psychiatric breakdown and epic fail. Naturopaths are NOT shrinks and are EMINENTLY unqualified to make mental health decision, and you are highly irresponsible for even suggesting it. REAL psychiatric intervention and yes, medication, saved my life.
  - wally
    
    Update on my sister- In a way, we’re both right. What was really needed was a combined-therapy. I spoke too soon. She improved every day for about 6 weeks, and then crashed. The anti-psych meds had finally left her system. She was admitted to the hospital, and two weeks later, stabilized on her old anti-psych’s, she left the hospital. Well, now she has a naturopath, and it was found that she is gluten-intolerant and dairy-sensitive. So all these years she has been eating foods she’s allergic to! She’s feeling much better, now, with the new diet, and vitamin/herb therapies. Combined with the pharmaceuticals, (the side-effects from which have subsided). This is the way I should have done it from the beginning. So in this type of situation, there is a place for prescription drugs. So you see, if I had never taken her to the naturopath, she would still have the side-effects, and never be cured. Which is what nature does. It’s called nutrition. Believe it or not, it’s necessary.
Couch Pot

My Lord, where do you people get your education from? First, ten years ago if it were not for prescription meds I would have committed suicide or killed someone. I tried the herbal path with absolutely no success. I agree the pharmaceutical companies seem to be out for profits. Don’t blame them blame the New World Order which pushes mind controlling substances. Thirty years ago a study proved 100% of the population of most major cities in North America had high levels of lead and mercury in their systems. By the time I was born (in 1955) over 150 nuclear weapons had been tested in the US. Now tell me why are there so many of us with psychological and physical problems. The Rothchilds family are steering the NWO. Do you think they eat contaminated fish and beef with high levels of hormones?

The Seven Terrifying Side Effects of Useful Drugs

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