The 9 Stupidest Lanterns

  • April 21, 2010
  • 20,477
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6.

G'Nort

gnort

There's a dog everybody knows. He's dumb. He's clumsy. He's irritating. He follows you around everywhere. And yet, you never yell at him or anything because you just feel bad about it? That's G'Nort.

DC heroes pretty much hate G'Nort because, well, he's a big dumb dog who could accidentally destroy the planet. G'Nort got his job because of a relative who was a popular Green Lantern, proving that defending the universe can easily be done by just hiring everybody's brother. Nice to know nepotism gets you a nuke on your finger.

On the other hand, G'Nort has all the traits one likes in a dog: he's loyal, honest, and forthright. He's also a huge idiot who's biggest success was defeating a gang of bank-robbing cats. No, seriously.

7.

Dkrtsy RRR

We don't have a picture of Dkrtsy on here, because he's never had an adventure that we know about. Why? Because he's math.

Yes, they hand those rings out to anything that has so much as a semi-sentient pulse, and Dkrtsy is no exception: he's a “bio-sentient mathematical equation” that gets into your head and erases your brain.

We find ourselves asking a lot of questions, like, how does he wear the ring, isn't brain erasing kind of unethical, and how can comic books make us hate math?

8.

Flodo Span

flodo span

So far we've had a bug, a piece of glass, a squirrel, and an abstraction on here, and you might be wondering how it could get less threatening than that.

Well, meet Flodo Span. He's gas.

Yes, this is a gaseous lifeform. You take away his ring, and he disperses, unable to collect himself until he gets his ring back. In the meantime, he has to avoid being...well...inhaled, we guess. What happens when you huff this guy?

It gets better, though: he's one of several gaseous Green Lanterns. What is it with the Guardians?!

9.

Leezle Pon

leezlep pon

No, pictured above is not, in fact, one of Hal Jordan's boogers. That's Leezle Pon, the sentient smallpox virus.

You might be saying “Wait, the what that's the what now?” Yes, apparently, in the DCU, not only can smallpox, one of the deadliest diseases known to man, because senitent, it can even be noble enough to merit getting a Green Lantern ring. But it can't attend any meetings, because it might infect the Lanterns.

So, just to recap, the Guardians of the Universe (yes, that's their actual job title) gave one of the most dangerous and powerful weapons in existence to one of the most fatal diseases known to human history.

Somehow, we think they're not quite doing their jobs.

Written by Dan Seitz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Mogo : http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/4/4a/IonCv3.jpg
  • - Rot Lop Fan: http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/File:Rotlopfan.jpg
  • - Ch'p : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Chp.jpg
  • - Chaselon : http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/1/13181/270791-110505-chaselon_large.jpg
  • - Bzzd: http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/File:Bzzd_BL.png
  • - G'Nort: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gnort.jpg
  • - Flodo Span : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Flodo_Span.gif
  • - Leezle Pon : http://dc.wikia.com/wiki/File:Leezlep_Pon.jpg
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