The 9 Stupidest Lanterns

Posted on April 21, 2010
Views: 10,815

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

For the longest time, there was only one kind of Lantern in the DC Universe, green. Then, they added an evil one, the Sinestro Corps. Then they added a Blue one. Then a Red one. Then basically they decided to just go nuts with the colors. But when you're recruiting police from across the universe for ONE huge organization, forget seven of them, you're going to have a few losers in the bunch. Here are our favorites, and notice we didn't even get into the other colors; all of these are the HEROES.

1.

Mogo

mogo

Mogo started off as a joke written by Alan Moore, who had a heck of a lot of fun at the Green Lantern Corps' expense (half this list is by said crazy Englishman), introduced in a story called “Mogo Doesn't Socialize.” You see, Mogo's a planet.

Yes, a planet. Mogo's sentient, and has a power ring.

Forget the power ring, though. Think about physics here. If Mogo shows up anywhere, he's going to throw the entire solar system out of whack. He'd send planets tumbling into the sun, steal moons, ruin orbits...this guy can't go anywhere. That's probably why the Guardians, who apparently really don't like to take back rings once they hand them out, no matter how stupid the recipient is, just have him sending Rings to new Lanterns. He's basically a cosmic switchboard.

2.

Rot Lop Fan

rot lop fan

You might be wondering what this guy's deal is, seeing that he doesn't seem to have any eyes or ability to see. Well, that's because he's from the Obsidian Deeps, a region of space where there's no light whatsoever and thus no perception of sight. Or color. The problem becomes immediately obvious, as does the hand of cackling madman Alan Moore.

It turns out they solved it by turning the ring into a bell and making it something that works with sound instead of light. This seems like an awesome idea because it immediately gives the Green Lantern Corps a huge advantage in their fights, creating constructs out of sound instead of light. So, smart guys that they are, they leave Captain All Ears to it and we never see the guy, or hear about turning rings into bells, again.

3.

Ch'p

chp

That's Ch'p. No, he isn't from a Disney cross over, or an Elseworlds, or some other really obvious excuse for a bad idea aimed squarely at small children. He's a giant talking chipmunk with one of the most powerful weapons in the universe. No, we have no idea why DC didn't realize this was not, in fact, cute but instead pure nightmare fuel. Rats with power rings is just not something we want to think about without a large bottle of vodka handy.

And in case the idea of a sentient squirrel who could run you over isn't bad enough, he was brought back as a zombie. You know, because cute talking animals portrayed as zombies will totally make us take this crossover seriously, instead of being the dumbest idea this side of zombified Power Pack.

chp

4.

Chaselon

chaselon

There are a lot of things that can make a superhero intimidating. Huge muscles. Energy powers. Having a Green Lantern ring. Tentacles. Chaselon has two of those going for him, namely the last two. And then there are things that make him less intimidating, like being a gigantic hunk of glass.

Chaselon is a crystal being, which, yeah, could theoretically exist, but come on. He's a big hunk of glass. Fighting this guy is like being attacked by a bedazzler bead. He probably only wins because his opponents are too busy laughing to take him seriously.

5.

Bzzd

bzzd

Hey, speaking of “less than intimidating”, how about a creature that only has the Green Lantern ring going for him, and without it, you could kill him with a piece of plastic costing a buck ninety-five? Say hi to Bzzd, everybody, the only Green Lantern you can squish.

Bzzd is apparently a pretty seriously tough guy, having taken out space pirates and captured DC's premiere annoying jerk, Guy Gardner. None of which makes up for the fact that he's an insect that can be defeated by Raid.

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 4
Loading...

Latest Articles

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

Here are some small, yet horrifying little monsters prowling around out in Mother Nature’s backyard. Mother Nature is a deadly, terrifying force that we should all be deathly...

17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived

17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived

Torture isn’t particularly fun to think about, so we can only imagine how horrific it must be to actually have it done to you. Fortunately we as a society have pretty much done...

18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have

18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have

It’s natural to be scared of things. After all, it’d be a little ludicrous to never get frightened, whether your fears revolve around sharks, snakes, spiders, death, or, most...

18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World

18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World

Everyone loves toys. It’s okay, you can admit it, whenever you find yourself in a department store you at least wander past the toy section and sneak a look at the latest action...

20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars

20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars

People are getting excited about the new Star Wars movie that’s due to come out next year, and rightfully so. Even with the missteps that were the prequels, it remains one of the...

20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History

20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History

Everyone loves a good old fashioned scandal. Add in a little bit of sex just to spice things up, and it’s ratings heaven for journalists, and can also help boost the public...

20 of the Creepiest Places on Earth

20 of the Creepiest Places on Earth

Places can be creepy for a lot of reasons, whether it’s a terrifying history, ominous architecture, or the eerie sense of unease that comes from simply having been abandoned. Yet...

20 Weird Things You Can Major in at College

20 Weird Things You Can Major in at College

College is an interesting time in a person’s life. It’s where a lot of people really discover themselves, and prepare for the future while trying to pin down exactly what they...

20 Strange Architectural and Construction Gaffes

20 Strange Architectural and Construction Gaffes

Architecture is a difficult profession, and we don’t think for a second we’d be able to just jump right in and do it ourselves. It requires skill, precision, and a whole lot...

20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World

20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World

People all over the world have different tastes in all sorts of things. Music, movies, television, politics, and so forth. And in some cases, it’s their actual tastes that vary...