Calcio Fiorentino, or simply calcio today, is basically an early form of football, originating in Italy in the 16th century. The rules are simple: two teams try to score by putting a ball over a goal located at each end of the field. You can use your hand and feet and tackling other players is permitted. So… what exactly makes calcio different than American football? One awesome detail: it’s played in a huge sandpit by burly men with no protective gear on (or shirts for that matter). Simply, calcio is football for gladiators.
Originally it was played mostly by aristocrats and even a few popes, but then someone said “Hey, what if we allow people who actually can lift a spoon full of soup by themselves to play this game? You know, to make it less stupid?” Hundreds of years later it’s still being played in Italy, only now it allows for head-butting, punching, elbowing, and choking, while the pussy American teams still rely on their precious little helmets and fancy groin cups.
First off, we’re pretty sure that the name of this sport is also a title of at least 2 porn movies, though we don’t dare to actually look them up. Anyway, yeah, dwarf tossing. A sport when you throw little people in a test of strength and general lack of shame. Usually the participants (the ones that are being tossed that is) wear special Velcro suits and are thrown on wall mounted Velcro pads, but seeing as this is mostly a bar game, you can imagine that not every establishment would have such things lying about in the back.
The games are particularly popular in New Zealand, to the point that a reference is made to the sport in Lord of the Rings, when Gimli tells Legolas “Nobody tosses a dwarf.” Apparently the writing staff was not aware that most of the world never heard of this sport and were shocked when so few people got the reference, which is as sad as it is terrifying.
Let’s quickly get the boring, smelly facts out of the way: Sepak Takraw is a very popular South Asian game, played very much like volleyball. The only differences are that the ball is made out of rattan and the players must hit it with anything BESIDES their hands. OK? Great, now for the video awesomeness:
Gentlemen, by our calculations your testosterone level should have tripled after watching this video. Ladies, most of you are probably pregnant now. Sorry about that.
- - Man vs. Horse Marathon: http://thejetpacker.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/man-v-horse.jpg http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01656/manvhorse_1656361c.jpg
- - Unicycle Hockey: http://www.circus4youth.org/images/img/200809230935150.Gym%20Dandies%201.jpg http://homepage.ntlworld.com/unicycle/HockeyStretch.JPG
- - Toe Wrestling: http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2009/05/ToeWrestling_450x300.jpg http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2701/4140125199_33c70fe272.jpg
- - Calcio Fiorentino: http://media.brainz.org/uploads/2010/12/calcio-fiorentino.jpg http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3271/2581286795_16908a4ac3.jpg
- - Dwarf Tossing: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_5xVq37ZVO_Q/R8h0aFBIDKI/AAAAAAAAAPA/-HvyPUJcuvU/s320/dwarf.jpg http://bootstrapscomedy.com/images/dwarf.jpg
- - Sepak Takraw: http://www.dsphotographic.com/g2/1800-3/Sepak+Takraw+-+001.jpg http://www.2point6billion.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/sepak1.jpg