The 4 Craziest People on the Internet

  • February 20, 2010
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2.

Randy “Peter Pan” Constan

WEBSITE: http://www.pixyland.org/

peter pan

He is under your bed

Who is he?

Just by looking at him, you would probably surmise that Randy Constan is a bit of a renaissance man: part Disney aficionado, part cosplayer, part musician, all sex offender.

Alright, bring on the crazy.

Just like the Peter Pan of legend and literature, Randy Constan is a being who has lived many years, but remains as innocent and happy as a child. Unfortunately, unlike the Peter Pan of legend and literature, his physical form ages at the normal human rate, making him look like a frightening man-child.

peter pan01

Seriously, every picture looks like this

 

If you read what he's written, you come to realize that he's not a malicious child molester: he's got a job, a wife, and friends; he's educated, and he donates money to charity. He lives a reasonably normal life, but in the most terrifying way possible.

Final Thoughts on the Insanity:

The man is deliriously happy, has a website with millions of views, and fills the heads of his visitors with notions of following your dreams, no matter how eccentric they are (advice made all the more relevant with the fact that he followed his own dreams, which were pretty damned eccentric). He's a crazy man who wears crazy costumes, writes crazy music, takes crazy pictures, shoots crazy video, and found himself a crazy lady to spend the rest of his life with. Be honest with yourself, here: what have YOU done today that makes you that happy?

1.

Alex Chiu

WEBSITE: http://www.alexchiu.com/

alex chiu

An “undoctored” photo of Alex Chiu

Who is he?

Alex Chiu's website starts innocuously enough: he first claims to be a scientist on par with Einstein and Tesla, then politely lets everyone know that he has discovered the secret to immortality.

Alright, bring on the crazy.

Fortunately for lovers of ironic humor everywhere, the advertisements for immortality are just the beginning. Everything from curing physical handicaps through dubious holistic medicine to the true identity of God is talked about at length, over a series of several pages each, with MS Paint illustrations to ensure total comprehension.

The cycling clusterfuck of insanity comes to a head with Alex Chiu's plan to create a single government which will rule the entire world, much to the chagrin of David Icke. Desiring to start the most polite revolution of all time, he lures you in with the following words:

“Only Alex Chiu has the solution to a unified world, unless you can think of a better one.”

But who could possibly convince the entire world to set aside their differences long enough to create such a governing body?

Oh, right. The Messiah.

The most important aspect of this plan is the location of the Messiah who will actually deliver the message unto the world. As Mr. Chiu himself repeatedly points out, he is not the Messiah, just a proclaimer of the message of peace and also probably the prophet Elijah or something. The Messiah is out there somewhere, and could, in fact, even be you. Also worth noting is that, on that very same page, he mentions that he failed Poli Sci in college due to constant sleeping in class. Keep that in mind as you read his proposal.

Like all good plans for world peace and social integration, this one starts with the nuking of New York City during World War III. After this, the good people of Earth will surely realise that atomic bombs must never be used again, because their destructive power is too great. Surely, just one use of an atomic bomb will be more than enough to convince people that this catastrophe should never happen again, right?

alex chiu01

Right

From there, it's a pretty straight shot, really. The leaders of the four major countries (Japan, China, Russia, and the U.S., naturally) will undoubtedly agree to literally sell their countries out to some kind of global corporation in exchange for billions of dollars worth of stock options. These stock options are also used to placate anyone with any power who resists the creation of this government. Once this happens, we can build an army of intelligent robot slaves to farm millions of tons of food in skyscrapers, all the while getting rid of cash money in favor of debit cards which will destroy the drug trade and utterly wipe out crime.

Final Thoughts on the Insanity:

The sheer gravity of the idea that the individual governments of the entire world could be bought out of power with billions of dollars of stock options of their own country is completely...

Actually, pass the Kool-Ade, that sounds about right.

Written by Ryan Oskroba – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

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