The 12 Least Intimidating Metal Album Covers

  • November 27, 2010
  • 23,106
  • Pop Culture
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7.

Battleaxe “Burn this Town”

bat

All the right elements are here. The presence of a motorcycle, leather jacket, unexplained fires and a battle axe instantly make this four times more intimidating than any ManOWar album cover. Unfortunately it appears to have been rendered by someone who just recently regained their vision after a horrible industrial accident at the hands of the Joker.

8.

The Scorpions “Animal Magnetism”

the

The Scorpions have a well established history of misogynistic album covers (as does damn near any band to come out in the past forty years, for that matter). Sadly, those all feature explicit nudity, one of a minor, and may be deemed a bit inappropriate for polite company. Animal Magnetism tones down on the obvious sexual undertones and instead takes the class route of implied fellatio. However, there's something deeply disturbing about a man who is more than willing to receive a quick blowie while his dog watches.

9.

Exciter “Violence and Force”

force

This could be a still frame from any given episode of Law and Order and that's what makes it awesome. The act depicted is so general but the lack of any details that actually matter is what makes it so intriguing. Who's the poor woman about to get Exciter'd to death? What criminal wears a spiked wristband while committing their misdeeds? How is murdering an innocent woman metal in the least?

10.

Raven “The Pack is Back”

raven

The members of Raven, once bullied for being the members of Raven, were stuffed in their own lockers to never return. However, their hatred gave them strength and through that strength they broke free, re-emerging as the three worst concepts for American Gladiators ever conceived: Skaggs, Baller, and Face-Punched-In. Indeed, the pack is back. And they forgot to bring decent pants.

11.

Stryken “First Strike”

strike

Stryken was a short lived Christian metal band from Austin, Texas. Of course, you couldn't have possibly known that just by looking at the cover of their only release. Judging by their outfits, the band is comprised by two very mannish-looking ladies and two sexually ambiguous robots sent from the future to make sweet, perplexing love to the past.

Fun fact: the members of Stryken once interrupted a Motley Crue concert wearing full suits of armor. After looking at this cover that isn't at all surprising, but what is surprising is that they somehow decided that suits of armor wouldn't make better costumes for their album cover than the clothes of old women.

12.

Judas Priest “Defenders of the Faith”

faith

Finally, we have everything that was awesome about the 80s wrapped up in a single package. Hard pressed to describe their sound to the artist, Judas Priest described themselves as “some sort of puma thing, only it's a robot, only the robot itself is part of a tank. The tank has guns and things, you know, on the back, and has treads and all that, but it still has paws. Oh! And one of the paws is swiping at you, like hiss! Hiss! Hiss! That is how we sound.”

Written by NN – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - ManOWar “Anthology”: http://old.incredibleeagle.com/images/covers/manowar.jpg
  • - Pat Boone “In a Metal Mood – No More Mr. Nice Guy”: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Xq1_QVuOUV4/TCzNYlieTYI/AAAAAAAARtg/TJ9vKuplG_k/s320/1.jpg
  • - Anthrax “Fistful of Metal”: http://www.jahrgangsgeraeusche.de/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/polls_anthrax1_answer_1_xlarge.jpg
  • - Riot “Narita”: http://img11.nnm.ru/imagez/gallery/3/2/c/e/2/32ce2dea60c16adc9f4a9dba3c9a5661.jpg
  • - Pantera “Metal Magic”: http://m.blog.hu/me/metallior/image/rondacover/mm.jpg
  • - Twisted Sister “Stay Hungry”: http://api.ning.com/files/QS-CRttlGPeGyG-uZLUbD9ErYJXpkZ67LApdtcAGdQYVsR3TeUnyO2hxC5ultP5TBSVLgFZuP4FZjE4brGJhMBeYNHnsYLy7/Twister_Sister__Stay_Hungry.jpg
  • - Battleaxe “Burn this Town”: http://www.blogcdn.com/www.asylum.co.uk/media/2010/03/battleaxe.jpg
  • - The Scorpions “Animal Magnetism”: http://d3ds4oy7g1wrqq.cloudfront.net/elterrariodedonovan/myfiles/23467.jpg
  • - Exciter “Violence and Force”: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51VJ4KW0E2L._SS400_.jpg
  • - Raven “The Pack is Back”: http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61MV6T28TJL._SS500_.jpg
  • - Stryken “First Strike”: http://blogs.houstonpress.com/rocks/assets_c/2008/11/stryken-thumb-400x400.jpg
  • - Judas Priest “Defenders of the Faith”: http://cdmallimage.bugs.co.kr/shop/upload/mall/200801121056190.jpg
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