The 11 Oddest Headphones You Can Buy

  • September 11, 2010
  • 59,082
  • Science
  • Image Sources

ZM-RS6F+M 6-Channel Surround Sound– Zalman


Many quality headphones and earbuds produce virtual surround sound, mimicking the ability of a full speaker set to provide three dimensional sound... to varying degrees of success. Zalman looked at their customer base and decided they deserved better. They also decided that their customers had horribly misshapen heads. These headphones provide true surround sound, in that, you have a whole speaker system strapped to your cranium. Luckily, they only work with your computer or entertainment system (no mp3 players), preventing you from the heckling and neck damage you’d receive from walking around with these bricks strapped to your head.


Diamond Studded Apple Earphones – Apple & the Magic of eBay


With the success of the iPod, iPhone, and other iCrap, the trademark white earbuds have become a status symbol. But since any schmuck with $40 can buy them, they’re pretty much everywhere. This puts the “rich and stupid” segment of the population (or as they’re known to marketers of high end bullshit: “uber-patsies”) in something of a bind. How will they look trendy while proving they’re better than you? Why, by buying 14k white gold and diamond studded versions of your pitiful headphones! For a mere $3499.00, you can have low quality sound and a look that screams “bedazzled 1980’s jean jacket”.


Ultimate Ears


We’ll come out and say it. Yes, at $1150.00, they are hugely expensive. Yes, they look like robotic jellyfish that you don’t want to stick anywhere near an orifice. However, they are very high end, produce a great sound and get their terrifying appearance from being custom-fit to your head. Still, we’ve played too many games of Metroid to take that kind of chance. Moving along.


PlayBrick EHP-CIN40 – Elecom


It takes a truly insane person to market something like this. First, to make a product you could create yourself in ten minutes with twenty-five cents worth of glue, LEGO bricks and a cheap pair of generic headphones. Second, to charge $44.00 plus import fees for that product. And lastly, but most importantly; to take something popular for the limitless creativity associated with it and turn it into something purely decorative and boring.


Cat Ears – Thanko


Fantastic. From what we can tell there are three market segments for this product. The first is furries on the go, looking to listen to their “Sounds of Mating Cats” or whatever it is those weirdoes listen to. The second is “random” and “crazy” teens who are desperately seeking approval and acceptance by trying to be “individuals”. Lastly, deeply confused grandparents who buy these for their soon to be mortified grandchildren.

Got some more crimes against ear fashion to share with the rest of the class? Post a comment below! You can also follow Kevin Mack as he rages about the stuff well adjusted people ignore on Twitter. Written by Kevin Mack – Copyrighted © Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Heartbeats - Lady Gaga / Monster:
  • - MX W1 - Sennheiser:$File/ATT2AING
  • - Pills - Elecom :
  • - Buta Earphone - Greenhouse:
  • - VONIA EZ-4200P - Thanko :
  • - Crazy Earphones – Solid Alliance:
  • - ZM-RS6F+M 6-Channel Surround Sound– Zalman :
  • - Diamond Studded Apple Earphones – Apple & the Magic of eBay:
  • - Ultimate Ears:
  • - PlayBrick EHP-CIN40 – Elecom:
  • - Cat Ears – Thanko: