Butterscotch, from Pinnacle and Iganoff
You know, there really comes a point when you need to admit that you are not a hard drinker, that you enjoy froofy drinks, with the cherry on the sword and the little umbrella and the bright happy colors. It doesn't make you weak or somehow a bad person. You just don't like the flavor of alcohol very much, and that's OK.
The reason we bring this up is that butterscotch vodka exists. Like, at all. Two distillers independently came up with the idea of dumping brown sugar and butter into vodka to make it more palatable to people. That's…that's just really sad. Admit it, you like the girly drinks.
Lavender Lemonade, from Rain
Rain is an organic vodka company, so already you know we're in danger. We are in the presence of hippies. They eat things that no man should eat. We're lucky this vodka isn't made out of tofu.
Anyway, lemonade isn't such a bad idea for a vodka; after all, Bond gets his martinis with a lemon twist, so there's something to be said for it. But Rain has to go just one step further and ruin it by adding lavender. Admittedly, it makes sense to a point: lavender and vodka both have calming properties. But, just…ewww. Come on, guys. Lavender belongs in soap. If we wanted to taste lavender, we'd drink Purell.
Buddha's Hand, from Hangar One
What's Buddha's Hand, you ask? Surely they didn't chop off an appendage of a major religious figure just to dump it in vodka! And they didn't! You'll just wish they did!
The Buddha's Hand is a fruit found in, where else, Asia that has the distinction of being very bitter and also being mostly peel. Seriously, juicing one of these things is like trying to get the IRS to pay you back for anything.
So, let's see here…bitter, hard to juice, rare…sounds like a vodka flavor to us!
Rose, from Sputnik
OK, we know the Russians are drunks. We know they can't afford vodka, so they often drink stuff that claims to be aftershave and other horrible, digestive-system-destroying garbage. But seriously? Rose-flavored vodka?
We really can't imagine what drinking this stuff is like. At least Sputnik's other flavors, horseradish and basil, have some basis in, you know, actual food that people voluntarily eat. But rose vodka? Rose? Seriously? Does drinking perfume really taste that good?
Root Beer, from Three Olives
Oh look, here's Three Olives. AGAIN.
What is it with these people? Normally we'd say they must be the weirdos of the vodka world, but a quick scroll through this shows there's no shortage of vodka insanity out there. Three Olives is either special or just that little bit more insane than the rest of the vodka producers.
We saved this one for last because we literally, in no way, can figure out why this exists. At all. If you want root beer flavored vodka, why not just mix vodka and root beer? What cocktail could this possibly enhance? Who drinks this crap? These and other question will remain unanswered in…the Twilight Zone.
Sorry, we had some of that bison grass vodka and now we feel just a little fu
- - Espresso/Double Espresso from Van Gogh : http://di1.shopping.com/images1/pi/f2/36/29/51860485-300x300-0-0_Vincent+Vincent+Van+Gogh+Vodka+Double+Espresso+750.jpg
- - Bacon, from Bakon: http://bakonvodka.com/
- - Bubble Gum, from Three Olives : http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_VsO7DutiFEw/SlwC1BgoUsI/AAAAAAAABoY/BedYmmo2uZk/s320/three-o-bubble.jpg
- - Bison Grass, from Bison : http://intoxicologist.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/bison-grass-vodka-with-martini-glass.jpg
- - Tomato, from Three Olives: http://intoxicologist.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/three-olives-tomato-vodka-review.jpg
- - Butterscotch, from Pinnacle and Iganoff : http://www.thedrinkshop.com/images/products/main/4092/4092.jpg
- - Lavender Lemonade, from Rain: http://www.badgerwest.com/images/RainOrganicsLavenderLemonad.jpg
- - Buddha's Hand, from Hangar One : http://www.notempire.com/images/uploads/buddhas-hand600web.jpg
- - Rose, from Sputnik: http://www.vodkaemporium.com/images/sputnik_rose.jpg
- - Root Beer, from Three Olives : http://www.arizonafoothillsmagazine.com/taste/wp-content/uploads/root-beer-vodka.jpg