Subscribe to our newsletter
The Gold iPod
Apple's design is famous around the world for its sleek, careful design. It's clever, well-considered, and appealing to the eye. So, of course, for the superrich, what it's lacking is the fact that it's not encrusted in as much fancy crap as humanly possible. So, layer over those sleek, stainless steel lines with gold leaf! Encrust whatever you are able with diamonds! Turn a monument to simple, elegant, accessible style into something so tacky Elvis would look away in pain.
And then, do it all again next year when the new one comes out. Don't forget to buy the "I am Rich" app again!
The Leopard Print Rolex
We here at the Weird Worm offices had to stop and marvel for a moment, looking at this. To admire this. Somebody actually paid for this leopard print, diamond-encrusted monstrosity. And now, they want someone else to pay $46,000 to own it.
Is it a Rolex? Of course it's a Rolex. What else would it be, but a brand that everyone has heard of? Is that leopard print fake? Oh yes. Oh very much yes. This watch would not be the apotheosis of tacky, the grand achievement of bad taste that it is, if it were actual leopard. Are there diamonds and sapphires where diamonds and sapphires are pointless? Need you even ask?
All this for the cost of a pretty good luxury car.
The Gold Coffee Mug
It's not solid gold: that would burn your hands because gold is such a good conductor. No, it's just covered in gold leaf. And jewels. Because, clearly, you deserve a piece of ceramic that's covered in valuable stuff because…you're worth it, or are just too much of a dick to spend the money this costs on something truly tacky, like poor people. Yes, it's a mug decorated like a chalice, and we have to ask…who uses this? Even the superrich can't exactly leave a set of these sitting in the cupboard for anybody to grab a cup of coffee. Then again, if you're spending ten grand on a coffee mug, common sense probably isn't one of your skill sets.
The World's Most Disgusting SUV
Spending, as you are, a truly offensive amount of money on truly frivolous crap, it might be safe to assume that people might want to kill you just on general principle. Or possibly to make some political point. Needless to say, there's lots of money in keeping the rich from hearing from the people who can't eat via explosives. So make sure your gas guzzler has gold-plated bulletproof windows, gauges covered in diamonds and rubies, a sidebar of expensive vodka, and make sure it's upholstered in whale penis leather.
Yes, we said "whale penis leather". Those three words have been put together now, and they can never be separated.
The Rose Gold Tourist Souvenir Lighter
You know, nothing really says "class" like owning some small object that's in the shape of a building. Whether it's an Eiffel Tower backscratcher, a Sears Tower wastebasket, or an Empire State Building coffee can, it just screams "I was here!" But those are far to cheap for your rich jerk. So what does he buy?
Why, the Vendome Column cigarette lighter, of course! And just to make it unique, it's made out of rose gold, because yellow and white gold are just too, too common. But at least there's no whale penis leather.
20 Bizarre Flavors of Food You’ll Find Around the World
People all over the world have different tastes in all sorts of things. Music, movies, television, politics, and so forth. And in some cases, it’s their actual tastes that vary...
20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said
Kids say the darndest things, as the old saying goes. They also say some of the most horrifying things, as well. Most of the time it’s just because they don’t know any better...
20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World
Hospitals can be scary places. They’re sterile and often impersonal, and oh yeah, there are often people dying all around you. And let’s not even get into the fact that...
7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk
People like their booze, and have for centuries upon centuries. It’s not a secret that basically as long as there have been human beings roaming the Earth, there have been human...
8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine
With a few odd exceptions, people love sex. Sex sells, people enjoy watching it, and more importantly, people enjoy having it. That’s because sex makes you feel good, and it...
10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos
Believe it or not, music videos are actually things that still exist, despite the fact that channels like MTV would have you believe otherwise. Celebrities popping up in a music...
7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs
One of the hardest things about writing fiction is coming up with interesting, fully developed side characters. After all, you can’t spend too much time on them because you...
8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones is an absolute juggernaut. There’s no denying it. Along with Walking Dead, you’d be hard pressed to find a television show that gets more online chatter that...
7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows
With the return of the immensely successful and wildly popular Game of Thrones, it’s only natural to look at the bookshelf and imagine what books may have a chance to rival the...