You’ll notice a lot of this stupid stuff revolves around Thor, on the Marvel side. Yeah, well, there’s a reason. No, this isn’t a joke, yes, this was an actual plot line, and yes, we would like to move on before we break down weeping completely.

Aquaman, we’d argue, isn’t a loser. He’s king of the sea, which means he controls 75% of Earth. That’s pretty bad-a$#. On the other hand, nobody else in the Justice League is divorced, and nobody else on the Justice League is having their ex-wife sold as a statue.

In continuity, the Tarantula is supposed to be a banana republic’s reply to Captain America. In reality, the character is so racist and retarded (complete with his main weapon being the toes of his boots) that Marvel rebooted the character as a hot chick just to try and forget about the whole thing. But that won’t stop them from selling a bust!

The Atom doesn’t make this list because he’s obscure. Well, OK, he is kind of obscure, but at least he was in the Justice League of America. It’s not like he’s Aquaman’s ex-wife or something.

No, he makes the list because a statue of him costs $200. $200! You know what you could buy for that? Half this list! Or something more relevant to history and culture, like a “Pluto Nash” DVD. What, does the statue come with a special “homicidal ex-wife” figure?

Yep, it’s gotten to the point where even the legions of faceless goons get their own busts.

First, you can get AIM Agents in a two-pack, because everybody wants their own armed beekeepers running around. But if that isn’t enough to satisfy your henchman bust needs, there’s always the Hyrda three-pack, with three identical guys all looking kind of upset over their team’s victory at soccer.

Also, together these cost less than the Atom, so we guess one Atom is worth five or so henchmen. Keep trying, little buddy.

Written by Dan Seitz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com