Ten Free Construction Projects (That Are Really Bad Ideas)

Posted on September 13, 2010
Views: 32,171

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For as long as man has walked the earth, and has any technical aptitude, he's really wanted to make all sorts of cool stuff. We're pretty sure most weapons weren't actually invented to kill people, but because two really intelligent guys go into an argument over who could build a machine that could fling a watermelon the farthest, and it just kind of went downhill from there.

The problem is, of course, you can't "undiscover" something. No, once something is discovered, it will sit out there for the longest time. And eventually, somebody will draw up some detailed plans, scan them, and put them on the Internet, which is totally free of liability. After all, it's not the responsibility of any website like, say, Weird Worm, if you decide to do something horribly stupid! Keep that in mind as you look these ten bad ideas over.

1.

Eddie's Chain Saw Mill

saw

Did you ever feel that your chainsaw was going to waste? That you could get more out of it? Well, now you can, with Eddie's Chain Saw Mill!  It…teaches you how to strap a ladder to a chain saw to turn it into a semi-sawmill!

Uh, great? Because a chainsaw really needed a ladder strapped to it?

To be fair, this exists because it allows people to mill lumber on the fly and in remote locations. But it still looks like a dismemberment waiting to happen.

2.

The Homemade 9mm Machine Gun

homemade

The Internet is a wonderful place. You can learn to make all sorts of neat things on the Internet. Like toy boats and kitchen tools and illegal firearms!

Or, you know, not. Because they're illegal and more relevantly, it will probably blow up in your face. Gun barrels generally have carefully designed ridged patterns on them to make the bullet fly straight and for the gun not to jam, explode, or otherwise kill you. Unlike whatever zip gun you cobble together in your garage to impress your “homies”.

3.

Crossbows

crossbows

There are some weapons that you really just shouldn't go near unless you're a trained professional, and the crossbow happens to be one of them. Basically, you're building a device that can whip a steel cable into your face at great speeds. At least it can't explode. But that doesn't mean instructions aren't available to build one!

And if it does work, you can possibly drive an iron spike so far into your friend it'll become a part of him, and be buried with him. You know, a week later, after he's been embalmed and you're in jail for manslaughter. The only thing dumber than building this would be to build a giant version, but who'd post the instructions for THAT?

4.

The Ballista

ballista

Typical. We like how the guys who are building a siege engine designed to fling rocks and fireballs into the heart of fortified cities are wearing hard hats. Yeah. Safety first. Wouldn't want anybody to get grievously injured?

The plans available are for a smaller version, but that's just as deadly, and probably worse because it's more portable. Hey, let's all pack up the siege engines of death, go to Aunt Eunice's, and see if we can't finally smoke her out!

5.

Thermite

thermite

What, you ask, is thermite? Well, it's something really nasty that burns incredibly hot and will injure you at the least provocation. Thermite is not something to be played with. Thermite can kill you.

Good thing you can easily find instructions to make it all over the Internet! Because that's what the Internet should do: encourage pyromaniacs to get out there and pursue their dream of a towering geyser of metal-melting death and horror.

 

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