Prematurely Battling Darth Vader FAIL
After foolishly ditching Yoda and Obi-Wan, Luke predictably got dark side smack down, courtesy of the Lord of the Sith on Cloud City. Apparently, an untrained Jedi noob challenging a veteran warrior wasn’t the best idea in the world. Yes, Luke may have squeezed in a few cool moves but most of the battle consisted of Vader toying with Luke and testing his budding abilities.
Following Luke’s historic smack-down many 1980’s nerds were likely wondering what would possibly come next for the tragically outmatched and absurdly unlucky hero? What came next was a revelation the likes of which only a 48 hour Maury (you ARE this baby’s father) Marathon could come close to. Upon hearing the startling news that Vader was his pops, Luke passionately denied it and let out an iconic “Nooooo!” George Lucas embarrassingly tried to mirror the scream many years later in Revenge of the Sith. Sadly Luke’s epic outburst concluded with an immediate suicide attempt…which he also managed to fail.
Left hanging upside down and defeated (again), Luke had to be saved by his friends (again). The very same friends he uselessly set out to save.
Convoluted / Bizarre / Confusing Plan to Save Han FAIL
Obviously Empire Strikes Back wasn’t Luke’s high point. His combined failures in Episode 5 directly led to many of the events in the next movie, Return of the Jedi. Although Luke redeemed himself (to an extent) in the follow-up, we regret to inform Skywalker fans that his fails continued… albeit on a more subtle and frustratingly convoluted level.
Episode 6 picked up where the last entry left off, but a few years later for some reason. Luke and company were preparing to save Han from Jabba the Hutt. Although Luke confidently hinted at a well laid out master plan to rescue Han at the conclusion of Empire, we challenge anyone to actually explain that plan to us after witnessing it take place in Return of the Jedi.
Although it hurts our heads to think about it, Luke’s plan apparently involved (in no particular order) Leia posing as a Bounty Hunter, Lando roaming around the palace in an insanely weak disguise, Leia getting caught thawing out Han, C-3P0 and R2 (with a hidden lightsaber) becoming the property of Jabba, Leia’s costume change, Luke getting caught and killing the Rancor and eventually everyone being fed to a Sarlacc monster.
Against all odds, Han somehow survived the ordeal and our heroes all came out of it without a scratch. The thrilling opening scene was so much fun that viewers barely noticed the fact that it made absolutely no sense what so ever. Thus we’re listing this event as a fail out of principle.
Redemption of Darth Vader FAIL
Following the confirmation by a dying Yoda that Vader was in fact his father, Luke set out to redeem the fallen Jedi. This compassionate plan was quite admirable though actually carrying it out would prove to be a risky endeavor. Just to recap: Vader whooped Luke’s mightily and left him emotionally scarred in their previous encounter. It goes without saying that Vader wasn’t likely to return from the dark side without a fight.
What exactly did Luke do to achieve his father’s ultimate redemption? Initially he turned himself in and tried calmly talking to Vader. Rational communication rarely gets one anyone anywhere in the Star Wars universe. Thus the next scenario pitted Luke against his father in a final battle.
Apparently in the time-span between Empire and Return, Vader devolved into a complete lackey and lost most of his skills. He was soundly defeated in their final duel which Luke begrudgingly fought. It should be noted though that Luke did violently lose his temper during the battle, cut off Vader’s hand and nearly killed him. So it would seem that redeeming dear old dad went out the window at some point. The battle wasn’t simply about winning and losing though, as it was mostly an expression of the underlying emotional conflict within Vader, which was ignited by the actions of his son.
Upon defeating Vader, Luke came face to face with the greatest evil in the entire galaxy aside from Sarah Palin.
So what did Luke do when faced with prune face? He naively tossed away his weapon and proceeded to get blasted to hell with force lightning. Unable to be rescued by Obi-Wan, his friends or the Geiko Lizard, he had to be saved by his daddy. So basically Vader was seemingly redeemed (of years of countless atrocities) due to a brief final moment of compassion which involved him destroying the Emperor… who was killing his son.
In hindsight, perhaps this entry was an inadvertent WIN for Luke?
Notice some more ways Han Solo was way cooler than Luke? Pilot your way down to the comments section.Image Sources
- - Sandpeople / Cantina FAIL: http://www.rafihecht.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/homer-simpson-doh.jpg http://www.roadsquadron.com/Reference/ANH/Speeder/97LukeObiWanR23POSpeederRonto_MosEisley01.jpg http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/1390/canip.jpg http://img715.imageshack.us/img715/3104/72010174.jpg http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/4139/fourb.jpg
- - Wampa (Snow Monster) FAIL: http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/5122/43859706.jpg http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/9296/ughh.jpg http://img23.imageshack.us/img23/9274/68639547.jpg
- - Yoda Training FAIL(s): http://i23.tinypic.com/ilg6bp.jpg http://img194.imageshack.us/img194/4349/failbc.jpg
- - Prematurely Battling Darth Vader FAIL: http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/9261/oopsea.jpg http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/1684/99638486.jpg
- - Convoluted / Bizarre / Confusing Plan to Save Han FAIL: http://img110.imageshack.us/img110/4134/lukereturnofthejedi4xm.jpg http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/underwire/2009/07/leiarare.jpg http://poyznus.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/sarlacc.jpg
- - Redemption of Darth Vader FAIL: http://kharminspage.com/pics/sw5vader.jpg http://moralauthority.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/biggest-hole.jpg http://cache.jalopnik.com/assets/resources/2008/03/Emperor-Palpatine.jpg