Desert Bus For Hope
The beloved online comic strip, Penny Arcade, has done a lot of good in this world. It's embarrassed John Romero. It's called out GameSpot for being a bunch of advertising-loving sleazebags. It's created the Cardboard Tube Samurai. But probably the best thing they've done is ease the suffering of little children across the world by raising ridiculous amounts of money to buy them toys and games through the charity "Child's Play".
"Child's Play" always gets kind of ridiculous, simply because gamers tend to spend lots of money on their hobby and, if Child's Play is any indication, have an even softer spot for cancer kids than the rest of us: they raised $1.7 million last year. And some of that came from the hard-earned blood and tears of LoadingReadyRun and their program, Desert Bus for Hope.
"Desert Bus" is quite possibly the most boring game that has ever been conceived, and it was created specifically to bore the player. Created by the notorious jerks Penn & Teller, you drive from Las Vegas to Tucson, in real time, and then back. Seriously. That's the game. Last year, these guys played that game for nearly six days (no stops or speeding!) and raised $70,000.
Cow Pie Bingo
It's here your author has to drop the royal "we", as this final entry is not indicative of the entire WeirdWorm staff. No, here I will talk about my personal experience, or rather disgust, with cow pie bingo.
I grew up in a very rural area, namely Vermont, and if there's one thing that I will never, ever understand if I have a million years to study it is why people think that the act of animals “dropping the kids off at the pool” is cute. It's not. It's gross. If you've spent any time near a farm, you've seen this actually happen and it's every bit as unpleasant and generally vile as one would expect.
But (and if you're in a place that has cows this never, ever fails) inevitably some charity event you are forced to attend will have cow pie bingo. What is cow pie bingo?
Why, it's just like normal bingo, except you take bets on which square the cow is going to besmirch with its digested grass!
Seriously, people will stand around a fence, watching some poor cow look around, wondering what the heck is going on that it's trapped in such a tiny little area, and wait for it to take a dump. If this sounds insane, that's because it is. These people are literally surrounded by cow turds. The smell lingers in their nostrils until they can no longer smell it. But they watch, excitedly, for the cow to ease open its colon and pick a square.
The next time a politician talks about small-town values, remember that betting on where a cow blasts the grass is a part of “what makes America great”. And weep.
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