“Five of the “Best” Worst Comic Villains”

  • August 07, 2010
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4.

Stilt-Man

Talling in at number two, Stilt-Man gives you everything on the tin. That is to say, he's a dude with stilts.

Inventor Wilbur Day steals the plans for a hydraulic ram from his employer. Coming up short on the list of things one can reasonable do with a hydraulic ram, he decides to go in on a set of telescopic legs and battle armor. Now with the ability to reach out and punch the very face of God, Stilt-Man instead settles on low level crimes, committing petty robberies while being incredibly tall, noticeable and easy to describe to law enforcement. Seemingly flawed from the planning stages, Stilt-Man was thrown a bone when Daredevil became his arch-enemy. On paper a blind guy is at a severe disadvantage in this scenario because, regardless how tall your rival may be, you still can't see him. However, bitchin' robot legs make a whole lot of noise. As a result of this oversight, Stilt-Man was constantly thwarted by the blind wonder.

stilt man

Sadly, Daredevil isn't able to appreciate the wonder of this crotch-shot.

Despite his many run-ins with Daredevil, Stilt-Man never amounted to a top tier villain. Still, the Punisher thought it necessary to shoot him in the head, lest he continue to scare window washes and seagulls alike. Since becoming a corpse of standard height, Day's Stilt-Man armor has been passed around like Yahtzee dice, but regardless of who takes up his mantle they are always thwarted by open man holes, telephone wires, tripping over houses, Spider-Man's webbing somehow or the common shrink ray.

5.

Crazy Quilt

In an effort to further prove that Batman seriously has it in for the blind, Jack Kirby created Crazy Quilt, a painter and master criminal. Eventually betrayed by one of his own henchmen, he was blinded in the ensuing gun fight and sent to prison, the best place to store the handicapped in or society. Once there he opts to go undergo an experimental surgery to restore his vision, apparently not realizing that “experimental” almost always means “not going to work and will actually leave you in a worse state then before.” A helmet grants him sight but the colors are far too bright. Trapped in a world of maddening rainbows, Crazy Quilt returns to the world of thievery in the most flamboyant costume possible.

crazy quilt

The mustache says professional but the quilt says crazy.

Ignoring the implausibility of anyone being a master thief while dressed like a strobe light, Crazy Quilt's helmet lends itself to some pretty serious damage, armed with a hypnosis ray, blinding light (you'd think he'd have enough of those) and a deadly lazer. If it weren't for the whole “I'm wearing a quilt” thing, Crazy Quilt may very well be able to best law enforcement and super-heroes alike, except he keeps getting his ass beat by Robin. Robin, the very same young man who has an affinity for tights and lethal explosions, continuously bests a man armed with hypno, blinding and laser technology. Even when he managed to recover his sight Robin blinded him a second time. Is there a chance that Robin exists purely as a form of limbo for mediocre criminals?

Written by NN – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Typeface: http://marvel.com/universe3zx/images/6/62/Typeface.jpg
  • - Ten-Eyed Man: http://www.toptenz.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/ten-eyed-man.jpg
  • - The Cluemaster: http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/marvel_dc/images/thumb/3/38/Cluemaster.jpg/200px-Cluemaster.jpg
  • - Stilt-Man: http://images.nextnewnetworks.com/2948.jpg
  • - Crazy Quilt: http://img3.imageshack.us/f/crazyquiltjv2.jpg/
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