The oddities of celebrity behavior never fails to completely baffle me, and this extends into the crazy baby names that they come up with for their children. Most of these children would be scarred for life if they didn’t have rich parents who can buy years of therapy. Unfortunately there are many more that I could not fit onto this list.
1. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz
On November 20, 2008, lip synching pop star Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz welcomed their first child into the world and then set him up for a lifetime of endless torture with the name Bronx Mowgli Wentz (that’s right his initials are B.M.W.). If you’re going to name your child after a part of the city surely there’s a better city part than the Bronx, not to mention that city names have been done and way better this I might add. While no one is going to call him by his middle name, its no excuse to name him after the little boy from the Rudyard Kipling classic The Jungle Book. What’s even worse is that according to Kipling, the name means little naked frog, because this kid needs more to worry about.
2. Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale
This couple are double offenders when it comes to naming their children. Their oldest son got off relatively easy with the name Kingston James McGregor, but their second son is sure to be ridiculed for the rest of his life. Zuma Nesta Rock really guys? Apparently Zuma is the name of the beach in Malibu where Gavin had an epiphany to begin his music career. Nesta is Bob Marley’s given name and Rock maybe comes from the fact that they are both rock stars.
3. Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa
These two had two children each with equally difficult names to pronounce. Their eldest daughter is named Lola Iolani, which compared to her younger brother isn’t all that bad. What is that brother’s name you might ask? Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha, and no I’m not going to try to say it out loud. Lisa also has two daughters from her relationship with Lenny Kravitz named Zoe and Isabella.
4. Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis
These two not only love the letter D but also love naming their sons after fuel and blue jeans. Yup Denham Cole was born in 2001 and in 2003 he helped his parents welcome Diezel Ky.
5. Erykah Badu and Andre 3000/The D.O.C./ Jay Electronica
3 children, 3 fathers and 3 equally crazy names. In 1997 Erykah and Andre had a son named none other than Seven Sirius, maybe it’s their lucky number. Seven got a sister in 2004 when her mother and The D.O.C. welcomed Puma Sabti. So either she was named after a mountain lion or a shoe, I’m not sure which is worse. Her third child with Jay was a little girl named Mars Merkaba. Planet, Roman God of War or chocolate bar, either way Mars is no name for a little girl.
6. David and Angela Bowie
On May 30, 1971, Angela gave birth to a baby boy which they named Duncan Zowie Heywood, although as a child they called him Zowie until he protested and decided that he would rather be known as Joe or Joey (and who can really blame him). Today he goes by Duncan Jones (Jones is Bowie’s real last name) and is an emerging film director most known for his 2009 film Moon.
7. Nicolas Cage and Alice Kim
Over the years Nicolas Cage has kept us guessing and naming his second son was no exception. Born in 2005, his name is Kal-El, which for those who aren’t comic book enthusiasts, is Superman’s birth name. Cage’s first son with Christina Fulton is named Weston Coppola Cage (Coppola is Cage’s real last name and he is the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola).
8. Paula Yates and Bob Geldof/ Michael Hutchence
Paula Yates is the mother of four daughters, and each of them has a name that is better suited to a fairy or pixie or something. Her three daughters with Geldof are named Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom and Little Pixie and her single daughter with Hutchence is named Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. After the deaths of both Hutchence and Yates, Geldof adopted Tiger Lily and has been taking care of the four girls ever since.
9. Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor
In November of 2003, the couple welcomed their first child, a boy named Banjo Patrick. Really, Banjo? I’m surprised their other kids aren’t named guitar and bass. They later had another two girls and this time they opted for more traditional names like Adelaide Rose and Clementine Grace.
10. Penn and Emily Jillette
Ok this one makes me wonder if these two might be a little off their rockers. Their oldest child is a girl by the name of Moxie CrimeFighter. He has said that they chose the name so that when she’s pulled over for speeding she can tell the officer that they are on the same side. Their second child is a boy named Zolten, which is not only a common Hungarian name, but also Emily’s Maiden name and the name of Dracula’s dog.
11. Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer
Just because your first and last name sounds like a word (like debonair) doesn’t mean you have to pass it onto your daughter. But that is exactly what they have done, as their baby girl is named Tu Simone Ayer Morrow. Yep, that’s right Tu Morrow as in tomorrow.
12. Jamie and Jools Oliver
This Couple apparently live in a magical dream world where its ok to give your kids crazy names. The name of their oldest daughter, Poppy Honey, sounds more like something the celebrity chef might whip up than a little girl. The names of their next two daughters don’t get much better. You know names like Daisy Boo and Petal Blossom Rainbow.
13. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
These two I couldn’t keep off the list as the names of their two children have been highly publicized. Their first kid was a daughter names Apple Blythe Alison. One of Martin’s associates already had a daughter named Apple and they asked if they could use the name, because we need more children with weird names in the world. The later had a son they named Moses Bruce Anthony, whose name comes from a song that Chris wrote for her before their wedding.
14. Ving Rhames and Deborah Reed
Sure Ving Rhames is known for his villainous roles and that includes the role of baby naming fathers. I mean it’s really bad when your daughters are named Reignbeau and Freedom. Born in 2000, Reignbeau got the worst of it. If you’re going to name your kid Rainbow at least have the decency to spell it right. And Freedom, who was born in 2002, sounds more like a boy’s name if anything.
15. Nicole Richie and Joel Madden
In 2008, Nicole gave birth to a little girl named Harlow Winter Kate. Thank god they had the good sense to put the Kate in there. Although I must admit Harlow is kind of pretty and kind of reminds me of actress Jean Harlow.In 2009, Harlow got a little brother named Sparrow James Midnight which may actually be worse than his big sister’s name.
16. Robert Rodriguez and Elizabeth Avellan
Director Robert Rodriguez has five kids with names all starting with R and all equally ridiculous. His four sons are Rocket Valentin, Racer Maximilliano, Rebel Antonio and Rogue and he has one daughter named Rhiannon, who didn’t get off nearly as bad as her brothers. This is so bad that I’m at a loss for words. These kids are going to be scarred for life.
17. Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton
In 2003 actress Shannyn Sossamon gave birth to a baby boy. And what might you ask did they call the innocent youngster? Oh Audio Science of course. Kinda makes him sound like an alien or a course you might take in college. Either way Audio Science is not a name for a little boy.
18. Bruce Willis and Demi Moore
While they are no longer together and aren’t that bad by today’s standards, they are two of the innovators of the crazy baby naming trend and as such are partially responsible for the rest of the names on this list. Together they had three daughters, Rumer Glenn, Scout Larue and Tallulah Belle, enough said.
19. Matt and Annette Lauer
These two have three children, and the first two got off easy with names like Jack and Romy but when it came to name their third, they decided on Thijs. How do you even pronounce that you might ask? Apparently it sounds the same as Tice and is short for Matthijs which is the Dutch form of Matthew. So I guess in a way he is named after his dad, and yet he’s still on the list, go figure.
20. Beth Riesgraf and Jason Lee
This couple welcomed a baby boy and then proceeded to name him Pilot Inspektor. Apparently he was named after a song by indie rock band Grandaddy, which includes the lyrics “He’s Simple, He’s Dumb, He’s the Pilot.” Because if those words don’t inspire a baby name, I don’t know what does. Nothing says love like calling your kid simple and dumb.
21. Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe
This one is in the category of giving all your kids your name to preserve your legacy... or something. I mean with names like Prince Michael Joseph Jr, Paris Michael and Prince Michael II what else could it be. And things got even weirder for his third child when he was nicknamed Blanket.
22. Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza
Along with his children from his relationship with Margaret Maldonado, Jeremy and Jourdynn, The couple has two sons of their own. The eldest was born in 1996 and is named Jaafar... like the villain in Aladdin? The youngest son however, got the worst name by far, the poor kid’s name is Jermajesty. This could be one of the worst names of all time.
23. Forest Whitaker and Keisha Nash/ Raye Dowell
Forest is the proud father of three children and each has an equally interesting name. His son with Raye was named Ocean, like a massive expanse of water. He and his wife Keisha have had another two daughters together named Sonnet and True. Nash also has a daughter named Autumn from a previous relationship.
24. Bono and Allison Hewson
Together they have four children, however only half of them have crazy names. His eldest daughter is named Jordan. Then came Memphis Eve, like the night before Memphis? Their third child definitely got the worst , being called Elijah Bob Patricius Guggi Q, which would have been fine if the stopped at Elijah Bob. Now with the progression of baby naming craziness, you might expect that their fourth child’s name would be over the top. But you’d be wrong, they named him John Abraham, I guess someone must have shook some sense into them.
25. Frank Zappa and Adelaide Gail Sloatman
In my opinion they are definitely the worst on the list, with four of the worst names I’ve ever heard. From oldest to youngest is Moon Unit, Dweezil, Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen and Ahmet Emuukha Rodan. Despite these odd choices they have stood by them saying that their last name would give them more trouble than their first. I question their sense of logic.