"A dog is a man's best friend.", "Don't put all your eggs in one basket.", "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we shall die."
Proverbs are hidden treasures - chests of old timey wisdom, possibly the best kind of wisdom there is. They somehow manage to shrink wrap dozens of years of personal experience and universal truths into one sentence with a certain nice ring to it. But what happens when those truths deal with misogyny, adultery and unintentional humor? Why, they get listed on WeirdWorm for your amusement, of course. Let us then amuse you with the nine funniest foreign sayings we could find.
A Dog Is Wiser Than a Woman; It Doesn’t Bark At Its Master
There are so many things one can learn from this jewel of wisdom. Like that the guy who coined it probably spent that very night on the couch after comparing his wife to Lassie. Or that Russia apparently had some pretty clever dogs, back in whatever days this saying was constructed. This actually answers the question of why would they sent a canine to space when so many human peasants were abundant.
All in all, this reads like the testimony of a man who's been put in the dog house far too often and decided one day to passive-aggressively take a shot at his wife, before caving in and buying her a bunch of roses, of course.
A Good Husband Is Healthy And Absent
If you are a connoisseur of fine foreign pr0nography, you are well acquainted with the vast library of Japanese X-rated titles where the lonely housewife, feeling abandoned by her husband out on yet another business trip, discovers her own self respect in a 20-male-1-female orgy. This proverb kind of explains why this smut genre is so popular – it’s a part of the Japanese national consciousness.
On the other hand, perhaps there is a kind of chicken-or-the-egg thing in play here. Maybe it’s a saying born after the boom of the lonely Japanese housewife style of adult entertainment? We don’t know, but it’s nice to see that in a culture which apparently treasures infidelity so much, they at least still care for their cuckolded husbands’ health.
A House Without a Dog Or A Cat Is the House of A Scoundrel
Personal experience shows that a house without a dog or a cat is foremost a house that smells nice and doesn’t spend half its budget on pet food and pet medical expenses. But above all else, a pet-less house is a house whose owner never had to touch poop that wasn’t his own unless he really wants to.
But then again, we have never been to Portugal, so maybe it’s a simple cultural difference and their country simply has more respect for people who take time out of their lives to take care of small furry animals? Imagine that – an entire country where our crazy cat ladies would be considered virtuous, noble people. Food for thought, people.
Angels Carry Drunkards On Their Arms
If there is anything drunkards and angels have in common, it’s that they are never truly on planet Earth, always flying somewhere high in the sky above the problems of the humans. Until the alcohol runs out and they wake up pants-less in some dirty alley. The drunkards that is, not the angels.
Poland is not helping its western reputation of being basically Little Russia by trying to impose religious undertones on their country’s alcoholism. Yeah, it’s cool to think that in your drunken stupor you’re under heavenly protection, but attitudes like that is what causes drunken driving accidents, people. Stop it.
A Single Russian Hair Outweighs Half A Pole
Like the dog proverb before, this one also teaches us everything we need to know about Russian culture: their hair obviously generate their own gravity making them way heavier than regular hair. Which… we assume, is something to be proud of in Eastern Europe? Are Polish people known for having light hair? Is that an actual stereotype?
Because what else could it mean? Oh wait, maybe this connects with the Polish proverb before. If Angels carry drunkards on their arms and all Polish people are drunkards, it would make sense that they weigh less than a Russian hair. Excellent! Logic prevails!