8 Weird Candies That Actually Exist

Posted on December 16, 2010
Views: 50,865

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

Let’s face it, unless you’re some kind of godless heathen you have a nice, big, robust sweet tooth. Heck, maybe you have two or three of them. But not four, which would just be ridiculous. In any event, we as a people tend to love candy. Of course, like everything else in this world, candy can get a little mundane. Seriously, how many rectangular pieces of chocolate can you really take before you just say enough is enough? Give me something new and different! Well thankfully, candy makers have been listening, and they have come up with some truly unique sweets. Wait, did we say thankfully? We meant horrifyingly. Yes, that’s much better. When you see these candies, we think you’ll agree.

1.

Spermies

spermies

We can’t really even top the joke that they already make in the ads for this particular treat. After all, they come right out and say “the candy you love to swallow!” These are obviously a novelty candy that would most likely be found in what we like to call an “adult pleasure boutique” and therefore are meant to be off the wall and, probably, humorous.

Frankly, we have to assume that Spermies were probably created in an attempt to get women to think that performing oral sex would culminate in a delicious treat. If that truly is the case, you have to hand it to the poor, misguided fools who created this candy. At least they were thinking outside of the box.

2.

Percy Pigs

Okay, now that we’ve gotten the perverted stuff out of the way, let’s move on to the just plain gross. Percy Pigs are a popular treat in England, and are basically tiny gummy pigs that come in flavors such as raspberry, cola, grape and lemon. These items were first created in 1995, and by 2008 they were even featured in UK Vogue’s style bible as one of the hottest trends to watch.

So what makes them bizarre or gross? Well, Percy Pigs aren’t just shaped like pigs. They’re made (in part) from them. Yes, Percy Pigs contain actual pig, by way of pork gelatin. Now don’t get us wrong, we enjoy devouring ham and bacon as much as anyone, but you’ll have to excuse us if the idea that pig now comes in candy form strikes us as a little odd.

pigs

3.

Uncle Urnie’s Candy Ashes

Have you ever been to a funeral where the dearly departed was cremated, and rather than sitting around looking at a big, heavy coffin, you’re looking at a big, heavy urn filled with the ashes of said deceased person? Now, have you ever once thought to yourself, “You know, I bet it’d be fun to eat those ashes”?

If you have, then you’re either some kind of horrific monster, or you’re the creator of Uncle Urnie’s Candy Ashes, a sour black cherry flavored candy that’s kind of like pixie stix, only if instead of pretending that pixie stix are cocaine (come on, you know you have – not that we condone that sort of thing, of course), you pretend they are your creepy uncle’s ashes while you scarf this “treat” down. Yeah, that’s much better.

ashes

4.

Formula Pee

Or hey, maybe you’re not into eating the remains of a departed loved one. After all, you’re not a zombie…are you? Because if you are, and you’re reading this, then the zombie apocalypse is going to be much tougher to survive than we’d previously hoped. But anyway, maybe you’re training for a future life as a castaway on a deserted island, or maybe you think you’ll be stuck in the desert sometime and in need of water. And when you’re in desperate need of water, what do you drink? Pee, of course.

And if you want to train your body to believe that pee is in fact delicious, why not indulge in some Formula Pee? Formula Pee comes in an actual specimen container, just like the ones they use at hospitals for real authenticity. Thankfully, it’s a delicious tangy flavored drink. Of course due to the whole “authenticity” thing, it lends itself to being used in a cruel, cruel joke when you swap out an actual jar of urine for this delicious candy. Oh man, we hope we didn’t just give you any ideas…

pee

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 3
Loading...

Latest Articles

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

Kids say the darndest things, as the old saying goes. They also say some of the most horrifying things, as well. Most of the time it’s just because they don’t know any better...

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

Hospitals can be scary places. They’re sterile and often impersonal, and oh yeah, there are often people dying all around you. And let’s not even get into the fact that...

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

People like their booze, and have for centuries upon centuries. It’s not a secret that basically as long as there have been human beings roaming the Earth, there have been human...

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

With a few odd exceptions, people love sex. Sex sells, people enjoy watching it, and more importantly, people enjoy having it. That’s because sex makes you feel good, and it...

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

Believe it or not, music videos are actually things that still exist, despite the fact that channels like MTV would have you believe otherwise. Celebrities popping up in a music...

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

One of the hardest things about writing fiction is coming up with interesting, fully developed side characters. After all, you can’t spend too much time on them because you...

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is an absolute juggernaut. There’s no denying it. Along with Walking Dead, you’d be hard pressed to find a television show that gets more online chatter that...

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

With the return of the immensely successful and wildly popular Game of Thrones, it’s only natural to look at the bookshelf and imagine what books may have a chance to rival the...

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

First things first, let’s not pretend that zombie movies are ever going to be exactly “normal.” After all, we’re talking about movies that center on the conceit that the...

8 Famous Movie Quotes No One Ever Gets Right

8 Famous Movie Quotes No One Ever Gets Right

We’re living in a culture where half of what we say seems to come from television or the movies. At some points it feels like there are precious few original thoughts being...