8 Strange and Stupid Legal Convictions of Animals

  • April 16, 2010
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5.

Monkey From New York

All that lunacy couldn’t be stopped from spreading across the Atlantic, so here’s one from New York where a monkey actually won his case.

Dateline: New York, Oct 25, 1907. On that day, the New York Times ran a story chronicling the events surrounding the arrest of an organ-grinder’s monkey in the Bronx. Seventy-eight year old Michael Salador was grinding away on his organ when a child grabbed Jocko, his monkey, and pulled his tail. The monkey bit the child, at which point the child’s mother became enraged and recruited an army of mothers to get revenge. The old man and monkey proved no match for the enraged mothers who laid a beating on them. Michael and Jocko were ultimately saved by a policeman whose head became a sanctuary for the beleaguered monkey. Unfortunately, Officer Coulter had his face scratched as Jocko made his way to safety. Judge Butts of the Bronx Police Court dismissed the case when it was discovered that no-one in the court could speak monkey and thus obtain the monkey’s side of the story.

monkey ny

6.

Hobo-Monkey

And, in a related story from May 30, 2003…

A homeless monkey was arrested as a tramp in Russia. It’s a sad story; the hobo-monkey had been evicted from the home of a wealthy Siberian family because he’d started throwing poop at them! The monkey then befriended a group of homeless people, and was hanging out with them and their other animals. When police arrived to evict the hobos from a house they had taken over, the monkey got up to his old poop throwing ways and was promptly Taser-ed and subdued. Back at the station, they had to shave several of the tramps to identify which one was the monkey, but once they did, he was convicted of trampiness and sent to a zoo. I think he got off easy; the other homeless folks had to crush rocks for 5 years. (All the wildebeests in the group got away because they were out looking for bottles when the police came.)

hobo monkey

7.

Goats and Cows

Partly because of their cloven hooves, goats have been blamed for a lot of devilish activities over the years. Perhaps one of the most bizarre was a case in Rouvre, France, in 1452 where a goat was convicted of being the ringleader of a gang of cows. The Goaty-cow gang terrorized the town for several days and “committed much mischief”. Apparently, one of the cows turned states’ witness in an attempt to get a lesser sentence. No doubt she milked her advantage as the goat became a shish-kabob while the cows were sentenced to have their teats squeezed everyday till they ran dry. The argument was that the goat was a devilish mastermind and the cows were too stupid to realize the folly of their ways.

goats and cows

8.

Ninja Thieves

On Jan 23, 2009, a crowd was chasing a couple of car thieves in Nigeria. One of them got away, but the other one decided to duck behind a building and transform into a goat.

Not fooled by the old “turning into a goat” trick, the crowd quickly arrested the goat and brought him to the police station where he was hoof-printed and had his mug shot taken. However, since they eat goats in Nigeria, I’m thinking this may not have been the best move for the car thief. Perhaps transforming into something a little less tasty would provide more of a chance to get away, like oh, maybe a bird!

The goat is sticking to his story and claiming innocence, but the police figure if the robber doesn’t change back soon, they will open a kabob stand.

On a related matter, criminal convictions in Nigeria are down by 30% this year, and incidents of goat-stealing by vigilante groups are up by 30%.

ninja thieves

Written by Eric Pittman – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Bee-devils: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5e/Bee_on_Geraldton_Wax_Flower.JPG
  • - Child and Pig: http://www.animalcriminology.com/trial.jpg
  • - Warewolf: http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/4010/oliverjpgmt0.jpg
  • - Mad Dog: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_S2NbJIwrsZc/R0_0SulIOdI/AAAAAAAAC1I/CbGWc9AJ1jA/s1600-R/Dog-GermanShepherd-01.jpg
  • - Monkey From New York: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1401/1360243520_d34da00a50_o.jpg
  • - Hobo-Monkey: http://img179.imageshack.us/i/monkeyyp8.jpg/
  • - Goats and Cows: http://www.motherearthnews.com/uploadedImages/Blogs/The_Happy_Homesteader/Goat.jpg
  • - Ninja Thieves: http://www.inquisitr.com/wp-content/nigerian-goat.jpg
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