The electrified hot dog wiener roaster
This is a device to prevent dogs from peeing on things. Somebody was so pissed that Rover was relieving himself on the courthouse wall that he stayed up all night and drank most of the alcohol in the house just to come up with this little genius idea.
This device consists of a metal plate with exposed wires and high voltage running through it. It was supposed to be placed around things that a dog wants to pee on. The theory is that if the dog pee completes the electrical circuit he is going to get an electric shock to the nuts and he’s not going to pee on it again!
Probably right, but wouldn’t you rather have a dog pee on the courthouse once in a while instead of being surrounded by dangerous electrified wires and dead dogs with their little fried wieners hanging out? No word on what happens when it rains and kids are walking nearby. We had a guy on our block who liked to electrocute dogs. Some of the local dog owners got hold of him and plugged him into the wall. He seemed to really like dogs after that.
The tape-worm trap
It’s a little pill-shaped, spring-loaded metal trap which snaps shut on the head of a tape worm trying to get the bait. This would be great if it weren’t for the fact that tapeworms don’t live in the forest, but in your stomach! According to the inventor, all you do is swallow it and wait for the tapeworm to trip the trap, and then pull it out by the attached string with the tapeworm’s head held firmly in place by the trap.
Really? You want to swallow this thing and go fishing for tapeworms in your stomach? Do you honestly think your guts are appropriate worm-jigging grounds? Who thought this up? Somebody who wants to go fishing so bad that they are willing to fish in your guts for worms, that’s who!
Neck Ring Life preserver
Some of these things are dangerous just because, if you think it might work, you might actually use it. This neck ring life preserver is supposed to be stylish, easy to use and work well enough so that you can keep your hat on as you flounder in the ocean. It’s an inflatable tube that wraps around your neck to keep your head above water so you can relax and wait for the rescue boat, which should be by in, oh… four or five days.
Simply blow it up, strap it around your neck and jump in the water. What could possibly go wrong?
How about choking yourself to death and becoming one of many grisly heads floating in the water near a shipwreck? On the bright side, you look good in rubber!
Do you feel lucky, kid? I mean really lucky?
Finally, it’s a bullet with an airfoil fin at the rear that’s designed to steer the bullet in a giant circle back to the shooter in case he misses.
Does anyone else see a problem with this?
Seriously? A bullet that’s designed to return? Why do you want it back? Just let it go. You can get another. Isn’t it more important that it fly straight and hit what you aim at, rather then come back to you? Don’t plan to fail! I mean, why even bother to pull the trigger if you want the bullet back so bad that you are willing to stop it yourself?
- Plough-gun, Parachute hat fire escape, Device to prevent train collisions, Device to move livestock from the tracks , The electrified hot dog wiener roaster, The tape-worm trap, Neck Ring Life preserver, Boomerang Bullets! :