8 Ridiculous Celebrity Endorsements

  • February 25, 2014
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Tico Torres’ Baby Clothes

You probably don’t know the name Tico Torres, but you’re no doubt familiar with some of his work. He’s an incredibly successful drummer, and you’d no doubt recognize some of his stuff as soon as we tell you he’s the drummer for Bon Jovi. So basically, he’s a drummer for an 80’s hair band that was always a little too pop to ever gain serious credibility as a real rock and roll group. Still, you would probably never guess that he’s made a pretty successful living on the side with a line of…baby clothes? Oh, man. Yeah, ol’ Tico has his own line called Rock Star Baby, which enables parents to dress their toddlers to look like “rocker” douchebags. So next time you see some parent trying to dress their kid “cool” but instead making him look like an absolute tool, Tico Torres may be to blame.


Justin Bieber’s Perfume

At this point, let’s be honest: Justin Bieber could put his name on anything and flocks of idiot girls would run to the store to buy it hand over fist. But you’d think as he tries to pass himself off as a badass despite weighing approximately 90 pounds and looking exactly like Miley Cyrus, he’d try to endorse products like, you know, pimp juice or hockey pucks. Because he’s Canadian, you see. But nope, instead he’s got his own line of perfumes, because apparently for the Biebs it’s not enough to just look pretty, he wants to spell pretty, as well.


David Lynch’s Coffee

David Lynch is one messed up dude. Or at least, that’s the impression you get watching any of his movies or TV shows. The man behind Twin Peaks, The Elephant Man, and Mulholland Drive is one of the quirkiest filmmakers out there, and it’s actually a little hard to fathom him endorsing any product at all, let alone something you could conceivably find in a convenience store. Okay, so it would have to be a really off the wall convenience store with a clerk wearing his clothes backwards, speaking in tongues, and who may possibly be an alien, but still, the fact that David Lynch has his own line of coffee is fairly mindboggling. But maybe that’s the point. After all, we are talking about the guy who created Twin Peaks, one of the most mindboggling television shows of all-time.


Steven Seagal’s Energy Drink

Man, Steven Seagal is a guy who can do just about anything. Or at least, that’s what he seems to think. The former martial arts champion became an action star despite the very distinct fact that he can’t exactly, you know, act, has also made music albums and worked in law enforcement. Don’t believe us? There’s a former reality show to prove that second part. So how does a guy Seagal’s age get the energy to do all of these crazy things? That’s easy! He drinks Steven Seagal’s Lightning Bolt energy drink! We would like to think that he came up with the name when telling people that he farts thunder and pisses lightning, and when someone tried to helpfully explain that’s not how urination works, he roundhouse kicked them in the face.

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