8 Peculiar and Off the Wall How-To Books

  • February 11, 2014
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How to Sharpen Pencils

Finally, a book that teaches all of us dopes the correct method for sharpening that old number two pencil that you get for standardized tests and then never use again because you become an adult and start using black or blue ink pens. Now, we do have to point out that this is a satirical book written by cartoonist David Rees. Still, it’s fun to imagine that somewhere, someone was browsing Amazon and came across this book and, needing some hone their pencil sharpening skills, enthusiastically added it to their cart.


How to Write, Publish, and Sell Your Own How-To Book

You would think that once D.L. Hughes tapped into the secret of successfully writing how-to books he would keep that information secreted away, becoming the lord and emperor of the how-to world. However, Hughes is nothing if not a giver and decided to share the methods through which you, too, can write a how-to book that no one will ever actually need or use. The genius of this book is that he’s not actually teaching you anything useful as much as he’s just telling you about how he wrote the words you’ll be reading.


Do-It-Yourself Coffins for Pets and People

Have you ever been to a funeral, looked at the coffin and thought, “I could do better”? Well if you have, then this is the book for you. After all, a nice coffin is expensive, and it’d be awfully rude for you to leave that cost to your loved ones. So if you’ve got the materials and the woodworking know-how, this is the book that’ll teach you how to build your own coffin and save! As a bonus it teaches you how to build a coffin for your dog Sparky, though don’t be surprised if he eyes you suspiciously when you’re taking measurements for his eternal home. This is the perfect companion book to anyone who knits with their dog’s hair, by the way.


How to Poo at Work

For most people, pooping comes naturally. Heck, it’s even an enjoyable release for some. But there’s always the fear of stage fright, or being the guy who leaves skid marks on the bowl at work, and the shame that comes when you step out of the stall and have to face down a co-worker trying to hide his contempt for your odorous leavings. Well thankfully, with this book you can learn all of the surefire ways to drop a deuce at work and still feel confident in yourself the rest of the day. Now if it only taught you how not to wretch when you sit on the toilet seat at work and realize it’s still warm from the last set of butt cheeks that was baking brownies 10 minutes before you.