When you read “Battle Kat,” this is probably why you think of, right?
Right. Tigers mauling Skeletor? Awesome. But I'm actually talking about this guy right here:
Battle Kat was a face, meaning you're expected to root for the man in the furry kitty mask. Yeah, that's not very likely, but humor me for a moment. Not only did the mask stay on during his matches, Battle Kat also felt the need to express all the mannerisms of a cat, pawing, swiping and occasionally meowing at his opponent. Sometimes bewildering, often times embarrassing, Battle Kat's only achievement is in the field is signing all of his checks with that handsome paw print.
There's another tradition in professional wrestling in regards to character development: when in doubt, steal things like whoa.
When someone plagiarizes an idea, they try to hide that fact the best they can. Substituting red for yellow, WCW called it good and released Arachnaman on an unsuspecting public. Not happy with simply stealing Spider-Man's appearance, the folks in creative decided to go for the gold and copy the web-slinging abilities that made Spidey so popular, though this was met with less than stellar success.
After a string of average-at-best matches, Marvel did the world a favor by penning The Spectacular Lawsuit. Arachnaman was nixed, though he can occasionally be seen on the indy circuit trading blows with Professor Octopod.
Straight from the dumpster behind the set of TRON, Max Moon is perhaps the only wrestling spaceman in the history of both wrestling and spacemen. Complete with rockets, a jet pack and more pizzaz than the average Broadway show, Max Moon couldn't last simply on the basis that he was dated well before his debut in 1992. We know very little of the universe around us, but from what we do know we can recognize that, without a practical helmet/oxygen tank system, Max Moon would be a spaceman for all of four minutes max before becoming a space-corpse. Again, suspension of disbelief.
When it comes to bad guys, wrestling runs the gambit: zombies, demons, vampires, escape convicts and even man-shark hybrids have all pined for a comically large golden belt at one time or another. However, there are two golden rules that you must follow to be a successful heel:
* Look like a bad a?*, and * Act like a bad a?*.
Had Damien Demento met these requirements, I wouldn't be preparing to make fun of him at this very moment.
Coming from the “outer reaches of your mind,” Demento tried to disturb his opponents and audience alike by talking to and hearing a voice that existed only in his head, a trait that you may also notice in every nursing home ever. So he was supposed to be crazy, but it didn't really land. Let's take a closer look at the man himself:
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when a Vegas magician crashes face first into one of those cave man exhibits in a museum. There's nothing particularly frightening about a man in furry shoulder pads and I'm pretty sure that those “teeth” on said pads were once pillows on his sofa. What's more, was there a discount sale on tassels? Seriously, try to count the tassels on this guy. You'll need a calculator and an extended lunch break. Who looks at tassels and thinks “deranged madman?” Tassels are, like, 85% of the average strippers uniform. Either he wants me to be scared of naked women or to stuff singles into his tights. To be perfectly honest, I'm not really keen on either of those ideas.
- - Damien Demento: http://www.pwpix.net/superstars/d/damiandemento/gallery/photoscans/1/gallery1/001.jpg
- - Max Moon: http://content7.flixster.com/question/65/40/52/6540521_std.jpg
- - Arachnaman: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_QPYh2tlcChA/ScwI0pb8tTI/AAAAAAAABVo/KsW67j1bzwY/s400/arachnaman.jpg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2XN7MfiE4M
- - Battle Kat: http://thetorchonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/he-man.jpg http://www.onlineworldofwrestling.com/pictures/b/bradyboone/02.jpg
- - The Mountie: http://www.lobsterbush.com/vintagewwf/singles2/mountie1.jpg
- - The Model: http://www.lobsterbush.com/vintagewwf/singles2/rickmartel1.jpg
- - KISS Demon: http://www.obsessedwithwrestling.com/pictures/d/daletorborg/04.jpg
- - P.N. News: http://www.onlineworldofwrestling.com/pictures/p/pnnews/06.jpg