Tank Girl (1995)
Tank Girl, as a comic, has always been a bizarre comic book in its own right, so it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that the one and only attempt to bring the story to the big screen was a miserable, strange, ill-conceived failure. It’s set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland and the movie featured Lori Petty as the titular Tank Girl, and the film revolves around Tank Girl, Jet Girl – played by Naomi Watts, shockingly – and a few of their allies fighting what turn out to be mutant kangaroos. The comic is even weirder than that, of course, since Tank Girl’s boyfriend in the comics is a mutant kangaroo himself. Yep, nothing like a little weird, freaky, mutant bestiality to sell tickets at the box office!
Frankly, we don’t expect made-for-TV movies to be particularly good in general. But when it comes to superhero movies, they just seem to be exceptionally bad, even when dealing with weird, lesser known characters such as Man-Thing. Made in 2005, the super low budget Man-Thing aired on what was then known as the Sci-Fi Channel and has since become the ridiculously named SyFy is about, basically, a swamp monster that doesn’t much like the idea of oil drilling taking place in his territory. It ties in some absurd Native American “legends” and is basically ends with Man-Thing killing the bad guy before being blown up himself, though instead of dying, he’s absorbed back into the land.
For some reason in the middle part of the 00’s, there was an influx of “superhero” movies about those heroes going to special schools and learning how to use their powers. Some of them, like Sky High, worked tremendously well. However, not all were so well done. In particular, the movie Zoom was, frankly, an utter disaster. Starring Tim Allen and Chevy Chase, and frankly, the plot is just far too dumb for us to get into other than it revolves around Tim Allen as the titular “Zoom” who loses his powers, has to assemble a ragtag team of weird kids, gets his powers back, and, well, it’s just awful. Just, like, the worst.
KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978)
Okay, so this one isn’t exactly a comic book movie in the traditional sense, but does feature the members of KISS using superpowers to fight evil and save an amusement park from being destroyed. Yes, this was a real movie, albeit a made-for-television movie. This so-called “film” aired on NBC in 1978, right at the height of the band’s popularity, and it’s so atrocious that the members of KISS will not permit anyone around them to actually mention it exists. If the plot sounds like a rejected Scooby Doo story, well, that’s probably because it basically is. After all, it was produced by Hanna-Barbera, the same animation company that produced Scooby’s adventures.
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