8 Animals Who Kick Ass

Posted on September 28, 2012
Views: 13,066

Subscribe to our newsletter


It’s a fact of the natural world that some creatures will be better at certain tasks than others, one of which is looking goddamn awesome. If you look around you, humans have evidently failed at that. Unlike these cool occupants of the animal kingdom...


The Angriest Kangaroo

angriest kangaroo

“For the last god forsaken time, my name is not Skippy! Or Kevin! Or whatever that stupid sellout of a ‘roo was called in Kangaroo Jack. My name is Aldous, and you’ll do well to remember it, you piece of ten pound pom! Also, take this take home to your relatives: barbeques suck huge fat Tasmanian Devil balls.”


The Hungriest Elephant

hungriest elephant

You see, this is the biggest problem with inventing shampoos that taste just like real fruit: firstly, they’re so fruity and overpowering, the smell can travel for miles; secondly, the smell then attracts animals that eat goddamn fruits. If you need another way of saying this, take this one: if you live in a country with fruit-eating animals capable of putting your head into their mouths against your will, you need to stop washing your hair. Yes, you’ll look scruffy, but you won’t be passing through anything’s digestive system.


The Horniest Eagle

horniest eagle

We don’t like to make rape jokes here, but all we’re going to say is this about that subject: that swan did not know that was going to happen. In fact, if that thing were any more surprised, it would have exploded with all the energy it would have produced. Even if that swan isn’t a victim of some horrific avian assault, then that is some rough lovemaking. Or should we say, dovemaking.


The Warrior Cat

warrior cat

“Right! Where is that motherfucking son a bitch dog that keeps shitting in my food bowl?! I swear to God that if somebody doesn’t start bringing him out, this place is going to start to look real biblical with all the flames and stuff that I’m going to be blowing up. Yeah, you heard me, I...oooh! A toy mouse! Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme!”


The Hippest Whale

hippest whale

We you see here is a mammal that puts the ‘hip’ into ‘cool’. This photo, presumably taken after the diver said to the whale that he totally shouldn’t worry about that cheating bitch because bros before ho’s, was shown to Fonzie once: he exploded with pure jealousy. If anyone wants us, we’ll be investigating whether it would be possible to buy a leather jacket for this guy, along with hair extensions just so we can quiff this cool guy up and being the funk back.


The Happiest Dog

happiest dog

D’awwwww. Get a look at this guy. Never again will you ever see such a huge shit-eating grin. Yeah, sure, he’s happy about managing to fit four huge balls into his mouth, but a quick office poll shows our wives could all do that. Incidentally, we’re all getting divorces. This guy just makes us jealous of the fact that this, this single moment, is literally the pinnacle of his career as a dog. Us, on the other hand, will never ever reach ours. Or at least until Occupy finally starts working. Hahhaha, seriously we’re screwed.


The Sleepiest Dog

sleepiest dog

Yes, we’ve done several dog pictures in this article so far. Suck it up. Until your ferret starts doing hilariously cute stuff like this, you’re going to have to sit down and shut up. So why is this tiny puppy awesome? Simply because, out of all the places he could have started napping; all the places which he looked at and considered, he chose to rest his weary head under a bulletproof helmet and an assault rifle. Actually, no, that’s pretty clever. We take that back, dog; you’re alright after all.


The Most Presidential Cat

presidential cat

OK, time to get some class up in here. This cat, for those of you that didn’t buy your issue of Cat Fanciers this month (shame on you!), that is Socks. The official cat of Bill Clinton. Two things firstly: number one, what the f**k was wrong with journalism back in the day? Also, how goddamn chilled out is that cat in the face of being photographed to death by a team of mullets with cameras attached to them? This picture is literally the definition of ‘no f**ks were given’.

Written by Oliver May – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com

Page 1 of 3

Latest Articles

13 Incredible Pictures You Won’t Believe Were Done in Pencil

13 Incredible Pictures You Won’t Believe Were Done in Pencil

Throughout time, people have produced incredible art. It’s amazing what people can do with various mediums, from oils, to charcoal, and even, amazingly, the simple pencil. While...

12 Homes for People Who Never Want Visitors

12 Homes for People Who Never Want Visitors

Sometimes, solitude is an absolute delight. It’s okay to be social and friendly most of the time, but now and then you just want to have some time to yourself. And let’s not...

17 Rarely Seen Pictures of Celebrities - History in Pictures

17 Rarely Seen Pictures of Celebrities - History in Pictures

It’s really difficult not to fall into a trap of using cliché phrases like ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ and similar while watching these old photographs below. Just...

16 Bizarre Film Choices by Well Respected Actors

16 Bizarre Film Choices by Well Respected Actors

Everyone makes mistakes both in their everyday lives and in their careers. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that sometimes the people making those mistakes are professional...

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

Here are some small, yet horrifying little monsters prowling around out in Mother Nature’s backyard. Mother Nature is a deadly, terrifying force that we should all be deathly...

17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived

17 of the Most Horrifying Torture Devices Ever Conceived

Torture isn’t particularly fun to think about, so we can only imagine how horrific it must be to actually have it done to you. Fortunately we as a society have pretty much done...

18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have

18 Bizarre Phobias People Actually Have

It’s natural to be scared of things. After all, it’d be a little ludicrous to never get frightened, whether your fears revolve around sharks, snakes, spiders, death, or, most...

18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World

18 of the Most Absurdly Expensive Toys in the World

Everyone loves toys. It’s okay, you can admit it, whenever you find yourself in a department store you at least wander past the toy section and sneak a look at the latest action...

20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars

20 Awesome Facts About Star Wars

People are getting excited about the new Star Wars movie that’s due to come out next year, and rightfully so. Even with the missteps that were the prequels, it remains one of the...

20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History

20 Infamous Sex Scandals of Modern History

Everyone loves a good old fashioned scandal. Add in a little bit of sex just to spice things up, and it’s ratings heaven for journalists, and can also help boost the public...