8 Animals That Could Be Movie Monsters

  • May 10, 2010
  • 78,677
  • Science
  • Image Sources

5.

Black Mamba

Snakes are pretty typical horror movie fare, but black mambas really deserve the reputation that most other snakes get simply because legless reptiles with fangs are creepy.

black mamba

Don’t you make that face at us. We will turn this article around and flee in terror.

They are fast for snakes, carry a highly deadly neurotoxin as venom, and can be extremely aggressive when scared, especially if you happen to be between the 8 foot monster snake and its home. Also, although they are very conservative when administering poison to prey, usually biting once and waiting for their food to die, they are perfectly cool with biting threats repeatedly, so in a manner of speaking, you are almost better off if it wants to eat you.

6.

Matabale Ants

Matabale are a kind of African Army ant. They are notoriously vicious when they feel threatened, and travel in massive trails across tracts of Africa, with soldiers forming fences along the sides of the travelling workers, and shredding everything that poses a threat to them in their tiny ant minds. They will sometimes set up a caravan right through a business or a home, but the people who live with them don't mind. The ants ignore anyone who doesn't actually break their lines, and they tend to clear out things that actually make life suck worse, like spiders and scorpions.

matabale ants

Cheaper than a cleaning service and significantly less likely to rob you.

However, there is the unfortunate tendency for the occasional drunk to fall asleep on the ground during Matabale migration season, and wind up missing. Only a cleanly picked skeleton and a suspicious lack of picnics offer a hint as to what happened.

7.

Kangaroo

You probably think I am kidding here; kangaroos are cuddly and cute, plus nothing dangerous could live in the 100 Acre Wood, right? It turns out that Kanga and Roo, if threatened by Tigger, would leave him wandering, dazed from a fury of blows to the head, and trailing his entrails until he bled to death.

kangaroo01

A rare shot of a kangaroo not doing something terrifying.

Kangaroos are known in Australia as dangerous animals that will viciously defend themselves with cuteness and bladed hind legs. Like the cassowary, they are from Australia and are armed with killer feet. Unlike the bird, 'roos are well known to eviscerate potential predators or other animals that happen to catch them at the wrong time of the month (we assume even marsupials menstruate, but then, we’re probably wrong).

kangaroo02

Exhibit A in a surprising number of Australian trials.

So, if you are out in the wilds of Australia and somehow manage to avoid being killed by something horribly poisonous, you may very well wind up getting gutted by something exceedingly cute.

8.

Hyena

These guys get a bad rap. According to Disney and just about every other animated movie that features hyenas, they are stupid, cowardly scavengers that serve no purpose but to steal food from noble lions. Nothing could be further from the truth.

hyena

Lions and tigers and bears... have nothing on hyenas.

Hyenas are actually aggressive predators, and smart too. They are easily as smart as dogs, and they kill about as often as lions do. Sure, they scavenge, but then again, so do all predators. It's about survival folks, not being cool; dead meat is food, regardless of who killed it.

In the case of hyenas, they also have one of the strongest bites in the animal kingdom, being able to eat the massive, thick thigh bones of water buffalo and elephants, and have stomach acid powerful enough to digest the bones. They don't pass the bones, they digest them. They are also matriarchal; that means the women rule. In a clear attempt by nature to make them the ultimate butch animal, female hyenas produce so much testosterone, that their... um... Lady parts grow out like a wang, giving them ultimate control over who gets to make babies with them.

This fact alone could fuel at least a trilogy of horror films, and at least one gritty reboot.

Written by David Dietle – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com

Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Colossal Squid: http://www.fish.govt.nz/NR/rdonlyres/836B96BF-12FE-417D-AB49-4B46B2DB8729/0/ColossalSquid.jpg http://i700.photobucket.com/albums/ww9/mournblade1066/facts-fig3.jpg
  • - Screwworms: http://www.ars.usda.gov/is/graphics/photos/k7576-1.jpg
  • - Cassowary: http://www.amazingaustralia.com.au/animals/pictures/cassowary-attack-2.jpg http://www.peakoil.org.au/dave.kimble/mistymountains/MistyMountainTrails_files/image026.jpg
  • - Saltwater Crocodile: http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m3/mar2008/4/1/7F1108CA-9860-8C2C-CE20EF257ACBFAA9.jpg
  • - Black Mamba: http://www.shoptradition.com/store/blog/uploaded_images/446783640_85b8cdd99b-797381.jpg
  • - Matabale Ants: http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/59/126859-004-4C78990E.jpg
  • - Kangaroo: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c3/Eastern_grey_kangaroo_dec07_02.jpg/220px-Eastern_grey_kangaroo_dec07_02.jpg http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3210/2682882456_d3b08cd58c_o.jpg
  • - Hyena: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/be/Crocuta-hejda.jpg/250px-Crocuta-hejda.jpg
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