Apple Auto Sales
Now, we all know that nothing sells cars better than parodies of evangelists and black guys dressed in drag. That’s common knowledge. But you can’t just lazily toss in those elements and expect marketing gold; it’s all about proper execution. Unfortunately, Apple Auto Sales dropped the ball on that part. Observe:
This ad contains so many little mysteries. What the hell is “Reverend Rob” holding in the opening scene? What’s with the little boy peering through the window in the next shot, and why is his facial expression showing a mixture of amazement and horror? Our only theory is that he wasn’t actually supposed to be in the commercial, but wandered on set and was traumatised by the drag act in-progress. And speaking of that, could they not find a real woman for their ad? Or is this one of Tyler Perry’s early works? We may never learn the answers.
The intro to this commercial declares that it’s “The Greatest Auto Dealer Commercial of all Time,” which would sound like a bold claim if you hadn’t already seen the sort of crap it’s up against. But then again, by the time you’re done watching this you won’t be sure if what you just saw was a commercial or a used car salesman’s drug induced nightmare.
For starters, all the explosions and fire that accompany the salesman’s arrival onscreen make it look like he’s rising up straight from hell to sell you a car. Then he stands in front of that classic combo of a religious choir and guys in prison jumpsuits riding skateboards. That’s followed by some terrible dance moves, a brief fairy tale scene, ninjas for some reason and finally a montage of random images that will ensure that cars are the last thing you’ll be thinking about once this is all over. Wow, it’s amazing how an ad that clearly had some time and money put into it can still end up looking cheap and tacky.
Norton Furniture’s spokesman sounds like a cross between Marlon Brando and a pedophile, although he only has the acting skills of the former. Regardless, this seems like a pretty standard low-budget commercial, at least until you hit the 20 second mark. Then it becomes pretty standard nightmare fuel.
You probably noticed the giant frog lying on the couch behind Marc Norton, but put it out of your mind once Marc’s death rattle drew your attention. But then it starts freaking the fuck out, before being thrown off the sofa when a guy who looks like a mad scientist wielding hedge clippers emerges from underneath and starts babbling. Jesus Christ, this is supposed to make us buy furniture? Look, no matter what you’re advertising, the viewer’s reaction at the end of your commercial should not be “Oh God, kill it! Kill it with fire!”