7 Sports Phrases That Make Us Snicker Like 12 Year Olds

Posted on July 13, 2010
Views: 16,044

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

If you’re like us, you love sitting around watching some sports with a frosty adult beverage in hand. It’s just a good time to shoot the breeze with your buddies or relax by your fine self in the most ludicrously comfortable chair you own. Of course, if you’re like us, you also laugh your head off when the announcer says something that on the surface is harmless enough, and certainly wasn’t intended to be perverse, but absolutely, positively is when it reaches your sick brain. Because we’re very, very immature, and sexual double entendres make us giggle. Double entendres such as…

1.

Double Team

What it means: Putting two defenders on one offensive player. This is done primarily in basketball, American football, hockey or soccer.

Why it makes us snicker: You're watching the NBA Finals, when suddenly you hear the following phrase - "Kobe Bryant just demands to be double teamed." We always expected as much from that kinky dude. While it is meant to indicate that he's such a potent scorer that the only way to contain him is to send an additional defensive player his way in an effort to hinder his offensive game, the imagery, of course, is much, much filthier. It gets especially rough when Kobe is on his way to 50 points, and the commentators suggest that the opposing team may want to triple team KB24.

team

2.

Give him a blow

What it means: Making a substitution in order to rest an athlete.

Why it’s makes us snicker: Come on, give him a blow? Now while we fully understand that running up and down a basketball court for 40 minutes, or carrying the football for five or six straight plays can be pretty grueling, it’s always high comedy when the commentator inadvertently implies that the coach is getting the athlete out of the game in order to perform fellatio on him. Just try watching the NBA Finals without giggling at least a little when Jeff Van Gundy informs us that Doc Rivers wants to give Ray Allen a blow. We dare you.

blow

3.

Tremendous Length

What it means: An athlete, typically a basketball player, possesses long arms.

Why it makes us snicker: Let's say you're watching the NBA Finals, and you've finished with your chuckle brought about by the idea of Kobe Bryant getting head from Phil Jackson. Kevin Garnett makes a strong defensive play, leading to Mark Jackson commenting on KG's "tremendous length." Whoa there, Mark! That's great for the Big Ticket, but we don't need to hear your locker room observations!

This one is compounded when the ball is passed down low to Lamar Odom, with KG coming over to double team him. Obviously, this leads to the following statement: "Kevin Garnett is one guy that really works well in a double team because he's just so long." It works well for the girl, sure, but it sure can be intimidating if you're the other guy.

length

4.

Quarterback Sack

What it means: A defensive player in American football tackles the quarterback behind the line of scrimmage.

Why it makes us snicker: Let’s face it – when we’re watching a National Football League game on Sunday, the last thing we want to think about is Brett Favre’s, for lack of better terms, “man purse.” Yet every time a defender plants Favre in the ground (and we all know that every last one of us cheers like crazy when it happens, because seriously, what a jerk that guy is) we have to hear about what a tremendous quarterback sack that was. If we didn’t know any better, we’d swear that the announcers spent an awful lot of time in the locker room.

Gives a whole new meaning to investigative reporting, though, doesn’t it?

sack

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 3
Loading...

Latest Articles

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

20 of the Most Terrifying Things Kids Have Ever Said

Kids say the darndest things, as the old saying goes. They also say some of the most horrifying things, as well. Most of the time it’s just because they don’t know any better...

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

20 Creepiest Abandoned Hospitals From Around the World

Hospitals can be scary places. They’re sterile and often impersonal, and oh yeah, there are often people dying all around you. And let’s not even get into the fact that...

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

7 Weird Ways People Try to Get Drunk

People like their booze, and have for centuries upon centuries. It’s not a secret that basically as long as there have been human beings roaming the Earth, there have been human...

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

8 Ways Science Says Sex Is the Best Medicine

With a few odd exceptions, people love sex. Sex sells, people enjoy watching it, and more importantly, people enjoy having it. That’s because sex makes you feel good, and it...

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

10 Absolutely Baffling Celebrity Cameos in Music Videos

Believe it or not, music videos are actually things that still exist, despite the fact that channels like MTV would have you believe otherwise. Celebrities popping up in a music...

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

7 TV and Movie Side Characters That Deserve Their Own Spinoffs

One of the hardest things about writing fiction is coming up with interesting, fully developed side characters. After all, you can’t spend too much time on them because you...

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

8 Incredible Facts About Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is an absolute juggernaut. There’s no denying it. Along with Walking Dead, you’d be hard pressed to find a television show that gets more online chatter that...

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

7 Books That Should Would Make Great TV Shows

With the return of the immensely successful and wildly popular Game of Thrones, it’s only natural to look at the bookshelf and imagine what books may have a chance to rival the...

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

8 Completely Off the Wall Zombie Movies

First things first, let’s not pretend that zombie movies are ever going to be exactly “normal.” After all, we’re talking about movies that center on the conceit that the...

8 Famous Movie Quotes No One Ever Gets Right

8 Famous Movie Quotes No One Ever Gets Right

We’re living in a culture where half of what we say seems to come from television or the movies. At some points it feels like there are precious few original thoughts being...