7 Pieces of Furniture Designed by Satan on Super Acid

Posted on May 18, 2010
Views: 43,339

Subscribe to our newsletter

Advertisements

When you’re an artist, you can’t really tell when inspiration will strike or what shape it will take. It might happen over dinner or on your way to work, when that genius idea of yours for a shoe with a mini fridge built into it emerges in your head. And really, who says there’s something wrong with devising the cure for cancer while strangling a prostitute pregnant with your illegitimate spawn? You just don’t know the time or the place!

There are exceptions to that, of course. Right now there are “artists” out there whom we can pretty confidently say are taking direction straight from Satan himself. So, put on your best flame retardant clothes, splash some Holy Water on the walls and start humming your favorite hymn because we are counting-down the 7 creepiest pieces of furniture clearly designed by the Devil on super acid.

7.

The Woolly Chair

chair

Designed by Jason Miller, the Woolly Chair raises a lot of interesting question about the nature of artistic versus practical design. We’d also like to know just how many human skulls Miller has buried in his basement next to the furnace. But the one we’re more interested in at this time is… what the hell is that furry cover made from and how can we kill it in the most painful way possible?

For the sake of our collective sanity we refuse to believe the above abomination is a product of a conscious human mind. Instead, we chose to believe the much more pleasant explanation that whatever that is, it came to us from some remote corner of the Moon, lured to Earth with promises of virgin sacrifices. Once here, it was then hit over the head by Miller, skinned and turned into a chair. A chair that now just sits there… looking at you…

Oh God, it can see your soul, we just know it can…

6.

Frog Humping Table

table

It might be just me, but there is something inherently wrong with animal motives on wooden furniture, especially in this case. Just try to consider what exact thought process (or mental defect) would result in someone standing up and meticulously producing a giant half silver frog-humping-the-table table. Not to mention the terrifying pedophilic expression on its face. Look at it, this is the face that is basically saying “No use fighting it kid, this thing is going down whether you like it or not. And by ‘it’, I mean the forceful sexual intercourse between us. I am going to be inside you, is what I am saying.”

Imagine sitting down to breakfast or dinner each night with this thing. Now stop shivering, it’s OK, it was just a hypothetical question. Still, no doubt that this table would be a wonderful conversation starter: “What an amazing coincidence, I TOO am a dangerously unbalanced weirdo! Let’s go set puppy dogs on fire!”

5.

Daddy Long Legs

legs

Designed by Straight Line Inc., the Daddy Long Legs drawers are what you would expect from a “Nightmare Before Christmas” remake directed by a more spaced-out Burton with a constant LSD drip attached to his spinal column. There is something eerie about this particular furniture that we just can’t seem to figure out. It might be due to the fact it’s inspired and named after a f***ing spider, known to the world for their cuddliness and general pleasant appearance. Only not and not and seriously, screw whoever came up with this evil thing. It will haunt our nightmares. And yes, we do hate spiders, how did you know?

By the way, if your first reaction after seeing the Daddy Long Legs was to set it on fire out of fear it will come to life at night and devour your eyes, then congratulations, you still have a soul.

4.

Cowch

cowch

You know what most modern houses lack? Cows. Not like the good old days when the livestock shared not only your saloon but also your kitchen or toilet (and probably the bed in those weirdo-families, you know the ones we mean, the ones where all three were one room). And now, Helga’s Sanctuary is here to help you bring the past alive… in furniture form! The pun mistress Helga runs a cow sanctuary and designs these big floor pillows which you can get in 3-8 foot sizes for the relatively meaningless price of $300 to $800 (because these beauties are virtually priceless).

But don’t worry, she won’t spend any of it on booze, drugs or needy children. No, the profits all go to the real cows in Helga’s Sanctuary, so it’s a very just cause indeed, you see. Now, 800 bucks might SEEM a bit steep to enable some crazy cow ladies bovine fetish… and it probably is. Seriously, donate that money to the Red Cross or something, you horrible person.

Advertisements
Random
Page 1 of 4
Loading...

Latest Articles

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

13 Things You Didn’t Know About the Lord of the Rings Movies

The Lord of the Rings will go down as one of the greatest movie trilogies in history, and this year Peter Jackson’s follow-up trilogy The Hobbit will be coming to a close as...

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

13 Crazy World Records You Won’t Believe People Bothered to Set

These are the people who work on breaking and re-breaking world records that no one in their right mind would ever even consider as a legitimate thing. You know, the records that...

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real People

13 Famous Fictional Characters You Didn’t Know Were Based on Real...

Through all mediums of entertainment - music, movies, books, and so forth - we get attached to the truly great, fleshed out characters who just jump off the page or screen and...

14 Painfully Awkward Family Photos You Have to See to Believe

14 Painfully Awkward Family Photos You Have to See to Believe

No one likes sitting down and taking family photos. After all, it’s always such a weird feeling to have a photographer posing you just a little too close to your siblings and...

13 Incredible Pictures You Won’t Believe Were Done in Pencil

13 Incredible Pictures You Won’t Believe Were Done in Pencil

Throughout time, people have produced incredible art. It’s amazing what people can do with various mediums, from oils, to charcoal, and even, amazingly, the simple pencil. While...

12 Homes for People Who Never Want Visitors

12 Homes for People Who Never Want Visitors

Sometimes, solitude is an absolute delight. It’s okay to be social and friendly most of the time, but now and then you just want to have some time to yourself. And let’s not...

17 Rarely Seen Pictures of Celebrities - History in Pictures

17 Rarely Seen Pictures of Celebrities - History in Pictures

It’s really difficult not to fall into a trap of using cliché phrases like ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’ and similar while watching these old photographs below. Just...

16 Bizarre Film Choices by Well Respected Actors

16 Bizarre Film Choices by Well Respected Actors

Everyone makes mistakes both in their everyday lives and in their careers. It shouldn’t come as any surprise that sometimes the people making those mistakes are professional...

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

16 Small but Terrifying Creatures

Here are some small, yet horrifying little monsters prowling around out in Mother Nature’s backyard. Mother Nature is a deadly, terrifying force that we should all be deathly...