7 Movie Mentors Who Failed Miserably

  • June 11, 2010
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Mr. Miyagi (from The Karate Kid)

mr miyagi

I would kill you with these chopsticks, but it would delay my lunch. Lucky for you.

Let's not worry for the moment about why this movie takes place in an alternate reality in which karate is the coolness factor that cool kids stake their reputations by. For whatever reason, karate is cool, and Danielsan needs to learn it in order to stop his life from being quite so miserable. Or at least, that's what the movie convinces us is the deal. And so, the man who pretty much formed our mental picture of what a "mentor is supposed to be" is introduced, and manages to get someone to pretty much take care of all his chores while looking bemused and spouting senseless phrases. And somehow, in the process, Danielsan learns to beat other kids up.

You go, Mr. Miyagi. Way to teach an impressionable teenager that the best way to solve your problems is to kick them in the face. We can't help but think that the kid would have been much better off with some counseling and perhaps some sane and measured adult intervention.

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Splinter (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)


...Or possibly a prototype Wookie. Kind a hard to tell.

Again with the teenagers! How about directing these kids into some useful pursuits that will lead them to success later in life, instead of brainwashing them into thinking that fighting will get them ahead?

So, a secret clan of super-ninjas (who, by the way, are easily defeated by a bunch of rotund reptiles best known for their ability to hide) have infiltrated New York City. Don't you think that perhaps the FBI or the military should know about this? Don't keep it a secret just so that your prodigies can learn a valuable lesson about teamwork.

Not only that, but in times of need, the rickety old rat can barely lift his head. What kind of ninja is he supposed to be? Ninjold? Stop pretending to suck so that some mutants can have a few minutes in the spotlight and kick some butt, already.



Dumbledore (from the Harry Potter series)


I'm not confused. I just fell asleep with my eyes open there for a second.

Dumbledore is the textbook case of an all-powerful mentor who somehow manages to be in the wrong place at the wrong time - all of the time.

Seriously, man! You're the most powerful wizard ever. Everyone knows it. But instead of organizing a huge hunt for the enemy, instead of building some powerful weapons to combat him, instead of doing absolutely anything useful, you teach at a school. Actually, you don't even teach, because you're the headmaster. You just sit up in your room, doing who knows what. Unless, you know, something's going down, in which case you're bound to be in the least useful place possible.

And somehow Harry manages to stumble on important, story-changing things out of sheer luck, but Dumbledore has to go searching to the ends of the earth, spending weeks and months away and leaving his students vulnerable. And then he just goes and dies trying to protect said vulnerable students. If he hadn't blown so much in the first place, he'd probably still be alive today.


Written by Emma Larkins – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Yoda (from the original Star Wars Trilogy): http://kimdy.kri.re.kr/others/entertainment/starwars/stills/yoda.jpg http://mrjefffitnessfun.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/yoda_biography_3.jpg
  • - Falcor (from The Neverending Story): http://herestheproblem.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/falcor.jpg http://creamteam.tv/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/falcor.jpg
  • - Gandalf (from the Lord of the Rings trilogy): http://www.freewebs.com/ringlord420/rings-gandalf.jpg http://www.collectoybles.com.au/catalog/images/gandalf.jpg
  • - Fin Raziel (from Willow): http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/74/Willowraz.jpg
  • - Mr. Miyagi (from The Karate Kid): http://pigmentations.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/mr-miyagi.jpg http://nycsunflower.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/mr-miyagi.jpg
  • - Splinter (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): http://hippobrigade.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/splinter-ooze.jpg http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/4378/128174-124439-master-splinter_super.jpg
  • - Dumbledore (from the Harry Potter series): http://api.ning.com/files/Y*rhcIZC7xZTUVjmlgfL7wyZ3dnPjTjCxPV9MnyW2n-F28b-N3SdOfjGQA8kpRWQ99IMM*r558aLct9*iO9RkOtaJayTOlH*/Albus_Dumbledore.jpg http://www.gwarrenstiles.com/projects/tempest/characters/dumbledore.jpg