7 Insane Alternative Versions of Popular Superheroes

  • December 29, 2010
  • 36,153
  • Pop Culture
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3.

What if Spider-man worked during the Great Depression?

noir

Spider-man Noir

Not that long ago, someone at Marvel was probably watching the Maltese Falcon or The Long Goodbye, and said to himself that this depressing and grim noir environment would be perfect for the colorful-spandex clad Marvel superheroes and thus the Marvel Noir brand was born. That person then took another huff out of his glue bag.

Luckily the glue wasn’t that strong because the Noir Spider-man doesn’t sound all that bad: He wears a black mask, trench coat and in addition to all of his traditional Spider-man powers he also carries with him… a gun. Crap on a roll, it might be just the methamphetamines talking but we actually want to read this stuff now instead of just reading about it on Wikipedia.

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2.

What if Wonder Woman kicked men in the balls in the 19th century?

amazonia

Wonder Woman: Amazonia

Wonder Woman is… a hard character to write, and not just because most comic book writers are male. No, even women have trouble grasping what this superheroine masquerading as a stripper is all about, though that very description might actually explain everything. And so we arrive at Amazonia, an Elseworld novel where Diana gets kidnapped from Paradise Island by Steve Trevor, is forced to marry him, and ends up performing at a London theater while Jack the Ripper rules over England. To call the story weird would be as much of an understatement as saying brutal inmate rape is an unfortunate thing, what with the painfully shoehorned themes of feminism, chauvinism so stock you could make a soup of it, and OH YEAH, Jack the Ripper being king of England. In short: it’s the physical incarnation of “awesome” in paper form. Get it now.

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1.

What if Marvel had written Wolverine while high on horse tranquilizers?

mangaverse

Marvel Mangaverse

The following conversation may or may not have taken place at Marvel:

Marvel Exec. #1: Gentlemen, we have a problem. It seems kids are all over this “manga” thing and we’re not getting a piece of the action. Joey, can we buy them out? Marvel Exec. #2: Buy who out? Marvel Exec. #1: The people behind this “manga” business. Marvel Exec. #2: Japan? You want to know if we can buy out Japan? Marvel Exec. #1: Yes. Marvel Exec. #2: No. Marvel Exec. #1: Can we make some of our own? Marvel Exec. #2: I guess but… Marvel Exec. #1: Excellent! Bob, you’re on it! Make some manga. Marvel Exec. #3: What’s manga? Marvel Exec. #1: I think it’s just like regular comic books, only with big eyes and basically no sense at all. Also lots of shiny colors and possibly lasers. Marvel Exec. #3: Anything else to it? Marvel Exec. #1: No, I am pretty sure that’s everything.

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Written by Cezary Jan Strusiewicz – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - What if Superman was a commie? (Superman: Red Son): http://www.geekosystem.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/supermanred1.jpeg http://gfx1.fdb.pl/nqa7ds
  • - What if Batman was an anti-Soviet terrorist? (Superman: Red Son): http://comicrelated.com/graphics/RED_SON_IMAGE2.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080622212303/marvel_dc/images/9/92/Batman_Red_Son_02.jpg
  • - What if Iron Man existed in the 17th century? (1602: New World): http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/0/5756/397748-18845-130809-1-1602-new-world_super.jpg http://media.photobucket.com/image/lord%20iron/TETRA001/Armory/lordiron2.jpg
  • - What if Batman was the Earth’ Green Lantern? (Batman: In Darkest Knight): http://www.platformnation.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/bm_darkest_knight_large.jpg http://media.comicmix.com/media/2008/08/22/green-lantern-batman.jpg
  • - What if Spider-man worked during the Great Depression? (Spider-man Noir): http://media.comicvine.com/uploads/1/14859/715192-spideynoir03_001_super.jpg http://marveltools.pl/comics/spider-man_noir/covers/spider-man_noir_2@p.jpg
  • - What if Wonder Woman kicked men in the balls in the 19th century? (Wonder Woman: Amazonia): http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/a3/WonderWomanAmazonia.jpg/220px-WonderWomanAmazonia.jpg http://carolastrickland.com/comics/wwcentral/costume_indices/images/zonia97.gif
  • - What if Marvel had written Wolverine while high on horse tranquilizers? (Marvel Mangaverse): http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/a/a3/Mangaverse_1.jpg/450px-Mangaverse_1.jpg http://img514.imageshack.us/img514/9102/89923651.jpg
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