7 Good Foods Gone Sad

  • September 03, 2010
  • 300,154
  • Lifestyle
  • Image Sources

Squeeze Bacon


Some people like it crispy. Some like it chewy. Some like it gelatinous.

The Scandinavians are a sneaky people. Sure, they seem to be all funny accents and socialized medicine, but they’ve got a darker side too. Maybe it’s boredom from their super high standard of living or some kind of madness from their relentlessly long, dark winters, but the high suicide rate, death metal and high explosives have to come from somewhere. It is from that dark place that we get squeeze bacon.

If you order bacon and eggs from a restaurant, and they go for the squeeze-tube instead of the frying pan, you know your gag reflex is about to kick into overdrive. On the other hand, you can now eat bacon one-handed, without looking, while playing Nintendo, and you don’t need your mom to serve it to you.


Canned French Toast


Just like mom used to make, before child services got my letters.

Puree is never a good thing. Generally, if you’re eating something that’s been pureed, you’re either waiting for the icy grip of death to take hold or your jaw is wired shut.

But that’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the wonderful taste of French toast! Yes, scientists have already managed to miniaturize the breakfast treat into cereal form and frozen sticks, so now they’ve developed canned toast technology. What does the future hold for this miracle food? We can only speculate some kind of freeze dried astro-toast, or possibly some genetically engineered organism that simply grows the food directly. Truly, this a golden age of disgusting breakfast crap!


Canned Whole Chicken


Sweet Sue’s version of “home-style goodness” probably ends with someone wearing your skin like footy-pyjamas.

Chicken is a pretty versatile meat. You can consume almost every part of it, prepare it thousands of ways, and (since it tastes a little like every meat) it goes with almost anything. You can buy chicken in different forms, too. Obviously fresh is preferable, but frozen can do in a pinch. Or, for the truly brave and desperate, you can get it in the can.


Used in schools to teach kids about the birthing process.

It’s obvious that this is a horrible, sinful product that should never have been. So, thanks to its wide availability, it has a Facebook Group, it’s been on TV, it’s even inspired plenty of videos on YouTube, both of the parody and gross-out variety (and some that are both). Frankly, you’d be better off eating that tin in came in. At least can be confident about what it’s made of.

Know some more horrible takes on your favorite foods? Looking for a place to share your pain? Post a comment below!

You can keep up with Kevin Mack's horrible dietary choices (and more interesting stuff) be following him on Twitter.

Written by Kevin Mack – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - The Canned Cheeseburger: http://www.foundshit.com/images/canned-cheeseburger.jpg http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u41/siblog/hamburger6.jpg
  • - Canned Bacon: http://s106.photobucket.com/albums/m275/jogi21/random/BaconinaCan_10B74/baconinacan.jpg http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_mmBw3uzPnJI/SifJKIMR_3I/AAAAAAAAnpY/SKdbxFA10N4/s400/unusual_canned_food_38.jpg
  • - Eggs in a Tube: http://www.rahulpanchal.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Picture-6.jpg
  • - Candwich: http://markonefoods.com/images/contact_img1.jpg
  • - Squeeze Bacon: http://www.thinkgeek.com/stuff/41/squeez-bacon.html?cpg=cj&cpg=cj
  • - Canned French Toast: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DQU3De2augo/SSsIaF6sCMI/AAAAAAAABzs/okA2YqxR_4I/s400/French-Toast-1.jpg
  • - Canned Whole Chicken: http://foodnetworkhumor.com/img/chicken-can-1.jpg http://foodnetworkhumor.com/img/chicken-can-3.jpg