7 "Comforting" Mom Sayings That Really Aren't

  • August 19, 2010
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5.

Eat your crust, it's the best part of the bread!

eat your crust

The eater of this slice will soon succumb to dysentery and scurvy!

Why it's supposed to be comforting: You know you don't want to eat your bread crust, and your mom knows this too. It's like the loser part of the whole loaf, hanging around all creepy at the edges of the party just staring at everyone. If your mom cares about you at all, though, she won't give up. When you finally give in and decide to eat it, you can't help but wonder why they couldn't just take all those strength-inducing, mutant-power generating nutrients and put them on the inside.

Why it really isn't: Is the crust in question particularly, well, crusty? If so, we hope you're not a huge fan of your teeth in their whole, unaltered state.

It doesn't happen all the time (obviously), but chewing on a bread crust that's too hard can cause tooth breakage. So take that, Mom. You made us brush our teeth for years, and now this. Could you please just choose one form of torture and stick with it? And while we’re on the subject, what magical process makes the most dried out part of the load contain the most nutrients?

6.

So it's raining? You won't melt.

its raining

Unless you're a witch. In which case you've probably got bigger things to worry about. Jaundice, anyone?

Why it's supposed to be comforting: Unless we've watched the Wizard of Oz way, way to many times, most of us can grasp the concept that rain will not do any physical harm to us. Our mothers remind us of this when they want us to get out of their hair on a rainy day.

Why it really isn't: Ever heard of acid rain?

Then you probably know that it's bad for trees and soil and stuff. But surprise! It can also affect human health by causing cancer and even premature death.

Okay, so mom was right. We're not going to melt like some super villain thrown into a vat of acid mysteriously left lying around in a warehouse. But the alternatives sound just as bad.

7.

If you do all your homework, you'll grow up to be successful.

homework

Studying by osmosis. Works every time!

Why it's supposed to be comforting: Let's face it, homework sucks. There are no two ways about it. Who cares about trigonometric equations and whether or not Abe actually built the Lincoln Memorial? Your mom doesn't know that you care much more about winning at Guitar Hero than what you'll actually do when you’re a grown up, but at least if you have to do the homework anyway, it's good to know that there's a reason behind it.

Why it really isn't: The above statement is undeniably false. Indeed, there is little correlation between grades and success later in life for a variety of reasons; grades tend to measure your ability to comply much better than your ability to, you know, function in the actual real world. So really, doing your homework is a better predictor of success in a captive environment like, say, jail. Mom didn't think of that, did she?

Got some evidence left over from that negligence trial? Post a comment below!

Written by Emma Larkins – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Cleaning toilets never hurt anyone: http://www.instructables.com/image/FVP6JQXFFPY4BGJ/How-to-clean-a-toilet-without-chemicals.jpg
  • - Spinach will make you grow nice and strong!: http://www.math.pitt.edu/~bard/bardware/popeye/spinach.gif
  • - When I was your age, things were much harder: http://phototuts.s3.amazonaws.com/171_waterscapes/snowandwater.jpg
  • - It's just a scratch. :kiss: All better!: http://api.ning.com/files/Fx8iZVgBP4*KKVUnGNWFMqSq1mvPRnP3G-tIDpD5v18s0KCJB59rmIvqoKSeNCDCB0qjulIYLxVNLqMyVBQY2Nk6zUo*J8RZ/lips.jpg
  • - Eat your crust, it's the best part of the bread!: http://sf0.org/media/SapphireZ/img157014441.jpg
  • - So it's raining? You won't melt.: http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/Wicked-Witch-Melting-Wizard-of-Oz-Posters.jpg
  • - If you do all your homework, you'll grow up to be successful.: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2639/4053498067_192282bf36.jpg
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