7 Awards You Could Win (For Failure)

  • April 23, 2010
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5.

Foot in Mouth Award (Worst Public Speaking)

Politicians and others in the public eye have to make a lot of speeches and interviews in their careers, so some unfortunate phrasing or slip ups are bound to happen. But certain comments reach a level of such baffling failure that they can barely be called English, let alone any other language.

The award has been given to many speakers from different walks of life such as:

Hollywood: Alicia Silvertone: “"I think that [the film] 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness."”

Politics: George W. Bush (Given Lifetime Achievement Award) ““I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right”

Sports: English Football manage Steve McClaren “He (Wayne Rooney) is inexperienced, but he's experienced in terms of what he's been through.”

foot in mouth award

6.

Ig Nobel Award (Worst Science Research)

Dumb public speaking comes from the fact that we are not all the smartest people in the world. But even among the brightest minds there are many who go off on odd tangents in their jobs.

Among all the geeks working on advancing knowledge, transforming lives and curing diseases there are other scientists at work on improbable, strange and useless forms of research. Every year Nobel Laureates gather together to honor their odder scientific brethren with the Ig Nobel Awards.

Among honorees are the father and son who patented the combover (Engineering, 2004), men who turn tequila into diamonds (Chemistry, 2009), the inventor of karaoke (Peace, 2004), a woman who disproved the five second rule for food safety (Public Health, 2004) and the Nigerian entrepreneurs asking e-mail recipients to send money (Literature, 2005).

ig nobel award

2009 Ignoble Public Health Prize Winner Dr. Elena Bodnar shows off her emergency bra. The three dudes with bras on their face are Nobel Laureates Wolfgang Ketterle (2001, Physics), Orhan Pamuk (Literature, 2006) and Paul Krugman (2008, Economics).

7.

Darwin Award (Failure at Life)

The Darwin Award is one of the Internet’s oldest and most respected mock awards. While modern medicine and emergency room care has eliminated much of natural selection from the species, there remain a dedicated few who have risen to the occasion of removing themselves and their flawed genes from the pool. The Darwin Awards are for “Honoring those who improve the species...by accidentally removing themselves from it!”. The awardees are people who have either died or rendered themselves sterile in the course of a stupid action.

Honorees include a man who choked after trying to swallow a live goldfish (1998), a teenager who tried to muffled the sound of a military grade firework by holding it in his crotch (2009), a man testing how stab proof a new jacket was by experimenting while wearing the jacket (2006), and a Croatian man who attempted to open a hand grenade with a chainsaw in order to make fireworks for the New Year celebration (2002).

darwin award

Written by Philip Moon – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com Image Sources

Image sources:

  • - Golden Raspberry (Film): http://www.houyhnhnm.jp/blog/moriyama/images/Golden%20Raspberry%20Awards.jpg
  • - Bad Sex in Fiction Award (Fiction Writing): http://media1.break.com/dnet/media/2009/11/71%20Contortionist%20Blonde%20a%20Typewriter.jpg
  • - Stella Award (Frivolous Lawsuits): http://everystockphoto.s3.amazonaws.com/mcdonalds_coffee_warning_1301825_l.jpg
  • - Bent Spoon Award (Paranormal/Pseudoscience): http://blogs.oracle.com/retail/crystal-ball.jpg
  • - Foot in Mouth Award (Worst Public Speaking): http://scrapetv.com/News/Images/george%20bush%20looking%20stupid.jpg
  • - Ig Nobel Award (Worst Science Research): http://improbable.com/ig/2009/images/Ketterle-Bodnar-Pamuk-Krugman-400pix.gif
  • - Darwin Award (Failure at Life): http://kenmoksha.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/darwin_awards_.jpg

Sources:

  • http://www.stellaawards.com/
  • http://www.skeptics.com.au/latest/news/meryl-dorey-and-the-avn-win-2009-bent-spoon/
  • http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/awards/foot-in-mouth-award/foot-in-mouth-winners.html
  • http://improbable.com/ig/
  • http://darwinawards.com/
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