David Hasselhoff – Hooked on a Feeling
OK, so now that we’re all thoroughly disturbed, let’s switch gears and take a look at a different kind of weird video. You probably know David Hasselhoff as someone whose long career of running around on a beach in slow motion was overshadowed by one night spent on the floor drunk with a hamburger. But long before that, in 1997, he decided to grace the world with his rendition of that timeless tune, Hooked on a Feeling.
Considering Hasselhoff’s position on the celebrity hierarchy it should come as no surprise how awful the production values are. Given the choice of song and the sheer silliness of the video, in which Hasselhoff bounces across the green screen to visit and/or fly through exotic locales around the world, it’s hard to think that this was a serious production. But on the other hand there’s the right match-up between celebrity, song and video style to suggest that this is the world’s saddest attempt at making a pop music hit. Either way, it’s baffling. By the time Hasselhoff surfs, seizures, motorcycles and puts on a creepy fish mask to cross the finish line with a pair of little girls dressed as angels you’ll not only be questioning why this video was made, but also the fundamentals of the universe that allowed it to be created.
Leonard Nimoy – The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins
If someone asked us to sum up the 60s as quickly as possible, all we would do is show them this brief video from 1967. Leonard Nimoy, most famous as Star Trek’s Spock, was trying to branch out into music, and this baffling video for a song from his second album is by far the most infamous result of his attempted career change. The song itself is strange enough, but when you toss in a bunch of girls dancing around in fancy sweaters and pointy ears the result is like a flamboyant acid trip.
To be fair, it’s pretty obvious that this video is being silly on purpose, but they just took it way, way too far. It’s hard to put into words, but there’s something creepy about the way the girls dance, especially near the end where they look like they’re having epileptic fits as they run towards the camera, disturbing smiles permanently fixed on their otherwise blank faces. We’d also like to know what anything in this video has to do with Bilbo Baggins, but on second thought if they had tried to make the video topical it might have turned out even weirder.
Britney Spears – Toxic (Redone with a cast of prepubescent children)
We’ve tried to avoid amateur videos, because that opens up an entirely different field of pure, unadulterated crazy. But this remake is just too strange to ignore. It’s not really fair to call it amateur either, because it’s clear that a lot of time and money has gone into it.
Basically, this is the video for Britney Spear’s Toxic, except all the key players have been replaced with nine year olds. For those of you unfamiliar with Britney’s discography, which is hopefully everyone who reads this site, Toxic came after her innocent little girl phrase and well into her whore phrase. The sexuality of the video is pretty blunt, and while perhaps unoriginal that’s certainly nothing out of the ordinary or inappropriate for a regular music video.
But when children become involved, well, suddenly watching a few seconds of this thing is enough to put you on an FBI watch list. Seeing a bunch of kids try to dance seductively is extremely creepy, and we have to wonder about what kind of parents funded this, because it’s pretty well done. Couldn’t you have just bought your girl a nice pony instead?
ALL VIDEOS ARE REMOVED!